The_WindChaser
I started writing a year ago, albeit rarely, and all of the stories I made are unfinished. Well, I mostly write poems so there's that. Anyways, nice to have you here!
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The writing quality is superb! Good idea on having your story start in action. The only thing that somewhat irks me is there's too much description. Don't get me wrong, you have done well in describing the characters, and their looks. It definitely has potential. Look out for purple prose though since I did see it often as I read your work. Besides that, good job! It was kind of fun! Good luck!
Hello! I was interested in the title when I saw you text it on discord.đ Anyways, my honest criticisms would be: -I see purple prose in your book, -wrong placements of commas and such, -too much "had", maybe try "was" or "were", -search for synonyms of words so you won't have to put "very" that often, -seperate paragraphs, it's not appealing to see blocks of texts -try to let the story flow out, and let the readers know the attitudes of your character by showing their actions. Try to limit telling their personalities right from the get-go. Lastly, you're good! Good luck in writing!
Greetings! This novel has just started out, and I'm a new writer. Yay! I'm giving this five stars because it's my work, but I know that I still have shortcomings. I hope you guys could point out those that I don't notice. Lastly, I will try to excel in giving you guys both a smooth and comfortable read as I serve you guys a wonderful story. Enjoy!
Maybe change, "in the morning when dawn had just appeared," into the exact time of dawn like six o'clock I guess.
Writing Quality is good. The author gives out details nicely, but by doing it a tad too much, it got a little boring. Maybe add a breather after describing one scene, like how the character felt. For example, in my opinion, how would you feel when you see yourself being hit by a truck? Now how would your character feel it even though he/she was in third POV. Lastly, edit, edit ,edit. You have a good grasp of grammar, you need to watch out for doubled, misplaced words, commas and stuff though. Overall, good job! The story development is nice, albeit as I said, a tad too fast because of the information overload that I was getting. The sequence of the story is well-done though. You really just need to remove, or revise some words here and there. Character Design is decent. I felt that you could put more emotions into them, if that makes sense. The World Background is good! I perceived it as somewhat of an apocalyptic world where experiments on humans (hybrids?) were done and the mc got back from his dream of the past. Overall, good job! I know it's difficult to write but you can do it! Good luck!
The writing quality is good, it only needs more time for editing. I saw some typos and a few errors here and there, but besides that, I could imagine the scenes vividly with how you describe it. Also, in a first POV, I suggest removing the words, "I thought" and that stuff because we are already inside the character's head in a first POV. The story development is nice, it explains the scenes/what the characters are currently doing with little to no excess words. Character design is good as well. Although I got confused, I was able to understand the character's personalities. The world background is somewhat fuzzy but it gave a clear explanation about the rules of magic in their world, so good job on that. Lastly, try to edit as much as you can before publishing a chapter. Remember, quality is better than quantity (for me). That's all and good luck!
The overall grammar is good except for the conversations. Maybe use quotation marks? Since I thought that it was them talking when there's a parenthesis but it was a narrator, so I got confused. Lastly, try to lessen the words as much as possible. For example, "3 in the morning before sunrise", remove the "before sunrise" since "3 in the morning" already indicates that it happened before sunrise. The story development was good. It was neither slow nor fast. I'm not so sure about the character design, but I'll give you a four star. The characters feel unrealistic sometimes, well, I think you should start off with them training? Like, show them why and how they became resilient, especially the main character before you show him get manhandled in the prison. World background is somewhat messy? I didn't know where they were since I was confused, while I was reading. At first, I thought they were in a camp in the middle of the forest, but then they're going to climb pipes that could fit them. It looked as if they were in a sewer, if that makes sense? Other than that, it's good. Overall, organization can be improved and maybe start with their past when they got sent into the training camp. Secondly, try to express more of what they're feeling. For example, "the kids huddled themselves together and prayed", maybe expand that into conversations and show their movements, reactions to sudden movement of rats, and stuff. Lastly, edit it as much as possible and remove redundant words. Good luck!
Hello! Here's an honest review. Writing Quality- I can see that you were trying to be as descriptive as possible in all of the scenes, but what's more important is to give readers something to feel. Try writing how the characters feel what they're feeling. Besides that, you are missing some commas, periods, and stuff. Try and edit your drafts (and already published chapters) to the best that you can since there are a lot of errors. Besides that, I can still imagine the scenes taking place, but it wasn't fluid so it didn't catch my attention. Story Development- It's the usual romance stuff and with mates, but I like it. Character Design- I like that the mc is trying to be independent, but they are pretty 2-dimensional. World Background- No need to comment on this since it looks to be set in the real world and the rules of the plot are clearly stated, so good job! Overall, improvement in writing quality- and the story will become much better because the readers would understand it a lot more.
Here, you don't need to add, "I thought". This is first POV, right?