NOOOOO. HAROLD. AHHHHH

So a little bit of criticism. Also before I say anything, don’t feel obligated to change how you write or how the story is going. So your writing is very good and I love all the descriptions but I do think you could use them a little less. Sometimes the descriptions are really obscure or not needed for the story to be good. An example of an obscure description is when you talk about the raging gamer in the first paragraph. It fits but you go into too much detail. An example of a not needed is when you write about the speeding truck and being thrown like a cannonball. You only need one of them but when you use both, the story doesn’t seem to flow well. So yeah, take this with a grain of salt since I’m a inexperienced writer but thank you for reading this if you have. Also a question. How did he learn to use gravity magic or is that an innate ability to know how to use magic.

Hmmmm. I’m curious what the red eyed creature is.

I really liked the way you presented the info in this chapter. Also fishing isn’t my favorite pastime but I have caught the occasional fish

Ooh yea that would be inter esting

This was a good chapter. I wonder how coco will turn out in the later chapters as she levels up. I really really hope she doesn’t turn evil.

I don’t think I would give him a name but rather a title. Maybe something like the Game Master.

YESSSSSSS. LETS GO OLD MAN.

Woah. Our boy Ojero is gonna be a time mage. This is very interesting. Btw thanks for the chapter.

I really liked this chapter and the old man is a interesting apperance. I wonder if he’ll turn mad because of what your note at the bottom of the chapter said. Just some speculation though

Hii. I personally prefer to be kept in the dark about Orpham and be revealed his story later if Ojero manages to meet him. Also great work on the story so far. My only suggestion is if you can maybe put Ojeros thoughts in italics (if webnovel lets you) because it’s a little hard to distinguish between dialogue and his thoughts. Thanks for the story.

Hey I just finished the 8 chapters and I really like the direction the story is going. there’ a couple things that could be improved here and there but for a first story this is really good. I’l be keeping up with this. Also I really like the little comments you put at the end of your chapters.