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merajboss123

merajboss123

Lv1
2022-03-26 JoinedGlobal
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  • merajboss123
    merajboss1232yr
    Commented

    The classes system and the whole skill stuff just made this read even more interesting! I hope that more development of these class system will be seen as the upcoming chapters unfold.

    Ch 13 Class Change
    altalt
    My Sentient System
    Sci-fi · chef
    detail
  • merajboss123
    merajboss1232yr
    Commented

    I really liked how you have tried to develop a heated conversation between the newly gained personality system and the protagonist and was successful in doing so. But I think that specially at these heated times, even when the narrator is interacting, you should include 'which dialogue belong to whom'. For example: "Why are you happy?", Rey said/questioned or something... just to avoid confusion during these heated conversations, otherwise it sometimes causes the reader's attention to divert from the actual scene and trying to understand what is said by whom exactly. In only two person or less heated conversations, the assigned punctuation helps ("protagonist", [system], narrator), but it's hard to understand during such displayed scenes. Criticism aside, The conversation was actually really good and well constructed and interactive.

    Ch 11 Solution
    altalt
    My Sentient System
    Sci-fi · chef
    detail
  • merajboss123
    merajboss1232yr
    Commented

    A perfectly good justification of his newly gained ability to read and understand the previous unreadable instructions. Good Writing!

    ___________________
    altalt
    My Sentient System
    Sci-fi · chef
    detail