TriadBrew

Lots of audience and bystander talk this chapter

Read through the first ten chapters. I could see myself getting into the story more should the author take some time to clean up the first few chapters. There are huge blocks of text that build up things and often there are rapid system dialog flying past you. The interactions with the character and the system are what you would expect. There isn't much deviation from what I would see in the genre which left me wanting more. As far as the dialogue between characters it feels very robotic and stiff at times, where a lot of the characters don't have their own personalities and mimic the same tonality or response structure of others. I would relate this to something like "The Room". "Oh, Hi mark." "Hey dave." "How is your day going". Very one dimensional. The actual writing itself doesn't have many grammar mistakes, which was good since it made reading easier, but there are some sentence structure issues. I think you would benefit from something like Grammarly pro to help with this, and the huge walls of text. That said I hope the story continues to grow and can flourish from these suggestions!

It's a really good story that follows the idea of jumping back in time. Even though it's a common novel idea, the author still manages to draw you into the world. The itemization and quests along with the fame system are well balanced and believable. The writing of the environment also paints a grand picture of the game in your mind. The only thing I would note is that it has a slow start to the story, taking around seven chapters before you even get into the time jump. So if you can stick around for that then you're in for a good ride!

The world design and story is well laid out. The characters have personality which draw you further into the storyline, which can be a little fast paced, so strap in. For the author, I would suggest re-reading through and making the dialogue a little less stiff, or more natural, by breaking up the dialogue with action tags and replacing words like them or there with more dynamic verbiage. I think this is one thing that's making the pacing feel rushed in some places. I'm looking forward to seeing the aura system being more fleshed out!

It’ a good read. The early chapters are a bit rough with some areas being overly highlighted with step by step detail and then more important scenes being skipped or rushed. As the story progre this gets a little better but is still an area where the author could improve. The interaction between some characters could be molded a bit to make the scenes more fluid like when a character gets harmed but doesn’t acknowledge the pain or outcome of what that would be like to the continuity of that happening to them. The plot is good and reminds me of the many dragged into life or death (ranking) game genre. Looking forward to future chapters.

It has a good start to be on the same plane as stories like the Expanse or other ones in the genre. The only thing that feels like it is holding the story back is the character development and dialogue at times that feels stiff or out of place. However the progresssion and narration is good. Even the perspec swaps don’t feel off beat. Looking forward to next releases.