xash_alan
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xash_alan1yrReplied to EmpyriumAnything less than perfect is suffering?
"Golden finger… what golden finger?... That bastard… He promised me yet… How could you… Do you just hate me being happy?... Do you want to see me suffer some more?... Is this right, you fucking crazy old man!!!"- xash_alan1yrReplied to Abayomi_Atoyegbe
I meant, what did he lose during this scene to act this agitated lol He is already living a life much better than his past one
"Golden finger… what golden finger?... That bastard… He promised me yet… How could you… Do you just hate me being happy?... Do you want to see me suffer some more?... Is this right, you fucking crazy old man!!!" - xash_alan1yrReplied to Layios
or like you know, give him some time to adjust. It's just the second chapter lol
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommented
I would suggest checking out some google articles on paragraph spacing, and punctuation.
They both kissed long and hard their tongue exploring each other's mouth like never before,Simon's hand went towards her chest and he cupped her left breast which was already hard for him,he kneed the tip of her nipple and was pleased to hear her moan for him. The couple broke from the kiss to take a deep breath, Simon brought his mouth towards her other nipple and sucked it with a lot of fervor while his hand was on the other,unable to handle the pleasure Havilah cried out and grabbed his hair bringing their bodies closer,he then slid his hand into her already wet pussy which was wide open for him,he slid a finger into her and played with her opening,seeing her in immense pleasure with her back arched and unable to speak,he added another finger and fastened his movement bringing her to the peak,he then resume the kiss fiercely as if to assure each other that the coming days shall be fought together,when he sensed that she was ready,he opened his zipper and freed his cock which was already hard and throbbing,he placed himself on her wet entrance and entered slowly pushing himself up to see the expression of pure bliss and satisfaction on her face. - xash_alan1yrCommented
21 is still too young for marriage , silly father!
"It my father, Havilah replied sniffing,"he still wants me to get married to Don and I don't know what to do anymore,I delayed this with the excuse that am not of age but now am 21 and he isn't falling for the trick any longer. - xash_alan1yrCommentedCh 1 Memories of the past
- xash_alan1yrCommentedCh 5 Powerlessness Against Director's Command
- xash_alan1yrCommented
oh or you can just ease her nervousness by getting close to her
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommented
eh what a scum
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommentedCh 1 Bad News Comes
- xash_alan1yrCommented
Besides a really good start, one thing I like is the thought author placed into doing the world-building. The names of characters sound Greek, and werewolves were also known to originate from there in some myths. Can't wait to learn more about this cool world!
Ch 1 Prologue Saga I - xash_alan1yrPosted
The synopsis had me interested at first, but the first few chapters dwelled too much on irrelevant details. None of them even serve any purpose from what I can see. It would have been better if Geumbi transmigrated by the end of the first chapter at least. It's also a little hard to continue reading because of the language. I would suggest the author spend more time reading and writing to get a better understanding of the language. All in all, consistency is still the key. So, as long as you try hard and do not give up, all the while continuing to learn and grow, things are bound to become better. Best of luck for your writing, author-nim ^^
- xash_alan1yrCommented
'ye' appears foreign in a Korean setting tbh
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommented
Has Geumbi grown up in another country?
"Up to ye." Geumbi walked first. Eunseo shouted to call Geumbi, Geumbi left her just like that, Eunseo certainly wouldn't stay silent, she followed Geumbi's departure in a hurry. - xash_alan1yrCommented
You can avoid repeating Geumbi again and again but using 'she' T-T
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommented
on her*
This paragraph has been deleted. - xash_alan1yrCommentedEarly in the morning, a woman was running down the street she was passing, she had to go to her office immediately because today was a very important day. Her long legs kept trying to run as fast as she could, while her eyes stared at the clock on her wrist. Ooh no, time is very limited.
- xash_alan1yrPosted
This story starts very interestingly. Overall the plot is promising and carries good potential. Looking ahead to how it ends ^^ The only thing that can be improved is the language, but that isn't a serious issue either. All the best for future chapters, and keep uploading because the concept is pretty nice ^^