dottore

Just because

I don't trust my standards. But the "Thunder" part of the name made me wince 💀

First of all, grammar is okay; readable at the very least, though it can be improved more. Sentence structure not the best, it needs more flow. First chapter is an immediate info dump. Yes, we get it. The guy knows the game like the back of his hand. But this is a novel, the main lead knows a lot of the world, but for us readers, it is something new. If you suddenly give us a lot of information, some might feel overwhelmed or might skip through the paragraphs. You could make an auxiliary volume if that helps. You could drop the info little by little, or maybe through character dialogues. While story-wise, it does not seem to be a rare premise so I do hope this does get an interesting turn.

Lance Thunder- 💀💀💀

Alright. My second review. It definitely improved tons. The descriptions are a bit more vivid now, and I have a grasp on what the characters are like. Though still, dialogues still aren't that moving but it's okay. I don't plan on continuing this book for one childish reason; I don't like genres like these. But, if you are into such, you might as well try it out.

I don't think that "nervously" is the right word for this. Maybe, "fury" or "annoyance" would work.

Burger King would gladly have you

Daemon...

I wholeheartedly agree