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Nemesis_63312yrCommented"I´m" has to be replaced with "in"
The two legendary class demons step foot on the platform, Hroda immediately notices that he is at a disadvantage because Pezik has more experience in using his demon power than he does, but he still tries to give it his all in the fight. The fight starts and Hroda instantly goes for Pezik, he hits him with continuous punches and kicks and adds a bit of fire power to the mix. This gives Pezik no time to react, so he charges up and releases a powerful blast of energy from his body to keep Hroda far away from him. Now, Hroda knows the tables have turned,he tries to close the gap between them but as he was about to land a punch to Pezik's face, Pezik replies with a powerful blast of fire straight to Hroda's face, this blast knocks Hroda to the ground but he is still conscious. Hroda realises that I'm order to have a fighting chance he needs a bit of a power up. So, he unleashes his vampiric powers on Pezik.- Nemesis_63312yrCommented
I´m in the story lol
Sir Drako trembles with fear because he was shocked at how easily one of the top 5 strongest students in his class was defeated so easily by a first year student. Sir Vlago felt extremely proud of his students and he knew that a special someone was watching the match so he had to make sure that his students put up a good fight. Now, the matches continue as expected but this time Nemesis, the second most powerful student in Class D-2 defeated Todo quite easily and made the scores 2-1. - Nemesis_63312yrCommented
You should work on avoiding repetition. Easy Easely
Sir Drako trembles with fear because he was shocked at how easily one of the top 5 strongest students in his class was defeated so easily by a first year student. Sir Vlago felt extremely proud of his students and he knew that a special someone was watching the match so he had to make sure that his students put up a good fight. Now, the matches continue as expected but this time Nemesis, the second most powerful student in Class D-2 defeated Todo quite easily and made the scores 2-1. - Nemesis_63312yrCommentedCh 6 Dark Orb Ch.6
- Nemesis_63312yrCommented
There is repetition that you could avoid. Boy, boy can be replaced by boy, then him.
After signing all the necessary paperwork, Hroda and Rodina were assigned to class D-3. The strongest beginner class in Heren. But after entering the class, a yellow haired boy with the name of Joon approached Rodina and said, "What's a little doll like you doing here", Hroda was enraged, and gave the boy a deadly stare that almost made the boy faint and after that he just went to his seat and sat down. After everyone took their seats, their class teacher came in and introduced himself, "Hello everyone, my name is Vladivostok Gojin but you can call me Sir Vlago for short". - Nemesis_63312yrPosted
Really like how the story is going but I will reccomend not to rush too much. I feel like the arcs are too short and could be made better if you added more detail on how the events happened or the different attacks occuring. Some spells could be good when the mage summons the demon and a bit more dialogue. An example for a dialogue would be him talking in his brain to his demon discussing whether or not he should go to the academy. Another place could be a dialogue of shock when they understand they are fighting a person possesed by a demon. All in all, just make the scenes longer and with more dialogue because it will make it more lively and we get to know the personality of the characters.
- Nemesis_63312yrCommented
I thought it was gonna go in a different direction xD
She was getting stronger, faster, and even more angry. This puzzled Asmodeus because he was the only demon who could get stronger the angrier he got. The girl then got another boost and this time she was able to hit Hroda, Hroda started to get a bit infuriated, then out off nowhere the girl shouts, "FIGHT ME BROTHER!!" - Nemesis_63312yrCommentedCh 1 Dark Orb Ch.1