_VIIX_

+1

Yeet!

This has been a great read so far but I don't think I can go further with this. So for a detailed breakdown, Writing Quality (4.3/5): The writing quality is quite nice. It's a bit too well mannered at times which makes it feel unrealistic, but that's just me being nitpicky. The grammar is great, prose is of decent quality, a fair balance of dialogues and monologues (although some of the starting chapters felt like info dump heavy). Overall good. Story Development (3/5): There's a lot of personal bias speaking here. Reading so far, the feeling I get is that the canon events are going to be there and the MC is not gonna majorly deviate from the canonical path (Sure major things have already been changed and will have butterfly effects throughout but then again many things (that mattered to me as a reader) stayed the same). Golden trio is forming, Harry going to Gryffindor... these definitely make sense in this fic but I personally don't like those choices for fanfiction. Because I already have experienced that in the books, and unpopular opinion it might be but fanfic isn't surpassing the books. So the story is not exploratory enough for me. Character Design (4.5/5): Very much Conflicting. Again I personally don't like this way too well mannered MC that it feels unrealistic. A 25+ yo being so naive in a world he's been dumped into. The author had tried to add sprinkles of paranoia in the character but that didn't feel natural. That said, the story has somewhat reasonable explanations for most of the things (not necessarily it would be to the readers' liking but at least you have some explanations). The side characters aren't just for the show, I have read only 14 chapters but so far the characters that have been introduced, have a certain level of depth to them. So kudos! Update Stability(5/5): I don't usually scores here World Background (3/5): Again, Not exploratory enough for my tastes. I'd recommend it to anyone that wants to remain faithful to HP canon, Looking for a good quality read, Looking for leisure read.

Theon's personality was all over the place in this chapter. Maybe the AI couldn't handle such a long context but the change was quite bizzare

Damn, I actually agree with most of what you said. I think of meta knowledge as a crutch. It's there just to info dump or give reasons to any new absurd element introduction. After that it completely vanishes until the next new element. And it's a problem with not only in this fic but in most. Readers are only shown the good and pleasant side but knowledge isn't really like archives, you don't just download some knowledge and memorize it for life for nothing. Humans aren't built like that. I feel like Divine Departure (or a similar move of that scale) could have been brought into this world with no prior knowledge of the MC. My gripe is that, it was brought in the guise of META knowledge and still contributed to plot holes.

I myself prefer a fast paced story. But to be completely honest, this story's pacing is all over the place. A story is never limited to one genre. I go by some fundamentals rules: Action arcs: Need fast pacing, short paragraphs with punchy sfx and dialogues. You can get away with fast perspective switches in these and the more martial art jargon you use, the better. Doesn't need to be MC centric, just prepare a sick fight choreograph first and build the rest around it. Adventure arcs: Moderate pacing and very much focused on the world rather than character. Long paragraphs. The more vividly you describe the world around the characters the better. And here your characters' job is to show (not tell) with their actions, movements how their surrounding environment is. Basically characters will do things that's unusual for them, and subtly link it to terrain, environment, surroundings. Keep in mind that never linger on any point for too long. Mystery/Thriller: First phase needs super slow pace, with each investigation/mission adding to the build up momentum. Sprinkle the info dumps with sporadic character monologues. Never show the complete picture to anyone (neither the characters nor the readers). Once enough momentum is built up, crash it down in 2-3 chapters. Again, the revelations happen mostly in character monologues. Because different people will take a situation differently, even though it's the same situation. At this point you can actually go a bit into depth of the characters. Romance: Needs slow pace and in a fic like the current one, needs to be built up in multiple arcs over time. Mainly focused on 2 characters. From both sides Show attraction, growing (both physically and mentally), emotional attachments, dependency and mutual respect, realisation, denial, doubt, hopefulness, hopelessness, struggle and finally lovers. the first few phases don't need much planning and needs to be sprinkled in the arcs. Certain mid arcs can be devoid of any romance. But the last 5, just do it in 1 arc or 2 at most. At that time no point in stretching the romance. Though iImust say I'm not the right guy to preach on romance genre ;). Denial, Doubt, Hopefulness, Hopelessness, Struggle (These are actually more drama than romance, and you can totally punch some comedy at times to cut down the tension in here) Slice of Life/Comedy: Totally laid back pace. Don't cracks many jokes if not at all. Rather show the comedy in interactions, personalities. Ride on the emotional beats. Tbh comedy doesn't need to be separate arc, use it as a tool to cut through tension, building relationships and bonds. Horror: Like mystery needs slow buildup. Shorter paragraphs though. But keep snappy unexpected twists and drop them at irregular times. Build the atmosphere with long paragraphs, keep the character interaction/dialogue part short and snappy. In personal experience, a touch of underlying tragedy actually goes great with this. Tragedy: Personally I hate this but this actually makes a story complete. Moderate to slow pace, MC driven mainly. More focused on inner turmoil of character than outer appearances. Use silence and 'nothing happening' wisely in these arcs coz most tragedies occur because more of inactions. Characters need to play the blame game at times in this arc. And the aftermath needs to give closure (for this fic at least) to all characters involved. I'd say go for a bittersweet feeling. Anyways, that's my rant of "comparatively useless info that nobody was looking for" for today.

I mean you gotta make the guy OP at some point, preferably before canon starts (but that's personal preference, you do you). So, I personally would prefer a small arc (1-3 chaps) of content, going over missions before canon and their impacts. Basically just to give a reason for why he is the way he is.

You publishing this is not a problem. Far from it, as you do actually write well. The problem is with the lack of SI elements. My expectation from a SI would be that he won't sit still, in a desperate attempt to do something, everything would spiral and the plot would've been blown to kingdom come. Some good results and a lot more bad results with potential issues for the future. As you yourself said that he's someone who already had free will in a life before. These shackles would've made him way more restless and I was hoping for his confrontations to be more vehement but more rooted in logic and facts, rather than rage and jealousy...