David_Arenas
of reading
2442
Read books
Badges
2Moments
428
David_Arenas1dCommentedI have read every chapter, so I want to leave some comments to improve this fic (that I cherish as one of the bests): 1. You should give a check to the fic to correct the grammar mistakes. Not only mine, but some that have been there for months without fixing (Example: the bottle hero Gunhead). 2. Remember to include situations where the MC needs acumen and strategy outside of combat (like when he had to work alongside Sero). Include canon knowledge if you see that it fits. 3. Give more attention to the rest of the class than a punctual mention. Giving attention only to the main group isolate them and marginalize the rest of the characters.
Ch 36 Mock and times*- David_Arenas1dCommented
"But it was", not "but it was".
Soon, Mina grinned at him with a cheeky giggle, and Kirishima reddened, attempting to play it off. but it was all for nought when she purposefully pressed herself deeper. - David_Arenas1dCommented
Wish?
She was serious, well, partly. Wish surprised her when she felt Kirishima pull her towards him. "You did a lot of work today, so that's fair." - David_Arenas1dCommented
"but if I do well", not "but I do well".
'Hah, but I do well then,' her mind wandered to Kirishima, then back to the time they spent at the cinema. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"She", not "He"
"Uh, damn it all!" He leaned back, scratching her hair. "I don't get any of this!" - David_Arenas1dCommented
"the three cases", not "the two cases".
She ushered him out of the room. Leaving with the two cases, he met Mina by the gates and headed home. She asked about the cases, and he gave a simple explanation. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"the three cases", not "the two cases".
She finished her rambling, kissing the two cases. "But they're heavy to carry!" She rolled them over to Kirishima. "And they're solar powered too." - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Where´s the gravity chamber?"
"Where's gravity in the chamber?" - David_Arenas1dCommented
"OFA", not "AFO".
Allmight stood up, showing nothing but gratitude towards the two. The rest of the time was spent advising on how to handle AFO from his experience. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Shoji", not "Shouji".
"Sounds like some hardcore training," Shouji said through his mask, with Tokoyami nodding in agreement. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Shoji", not "Shouji".
The pavement gave way beneath his force. Mineta, who was running past, always froze seeing the shadow fly above him, and Yaoyorozu as well. 'What?' Even Shouji. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Shoji", not "Shouji".
The signal went off, and everyone rushed, Shouji like Sero, extending his duplicate like a grappling hook and going off. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Shoji", not "Shouji".
"This is an interesting setup. It'll be challenging for the majority of them to traverse; Shouji with his Dupli-Arms can move like Sero." Midoriya went on a rambling session on everyone's factors and how that could help them win. - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Shoji", not "Shouji".
Anyway, the next group was Kirishima, Tokoyami, Shouji, Yaoyorozu, and Mineta. - David_Arenas1dCommented
I think you wanted to say "before the day is over".
"And it can increase the gravity by up to 25 times. Want to give it a try? I'll keep working on it before the days are over." - David_Arenas1dCommented
"Kushina", not "Kurhina".
Arriving at the pier, Kirishima's parents stood waiting for them. "Oh, honey!" Kurhina ran, pulling Kirishima in a tight hug. "I was so worried for you." - David_Arenas2dReplied to XaviValentineCh 1 Ashes to Embers
- David_Arenas2dCommented
"not before", not "not after".
At the end of the internship, Kirishima and Mina returned to the mainland, not after saying goodbye to Gang Orca of course. - David_Arenas4dCommented
"blast", not "black".
"You are under arrest," was all Gang Orca said before unleashing a sonic black that knocked him out. - David_Arenas4dCommented
What do you mean by flow? I don´t get what it means in the situation.
An explosion of air followed, and another flow resulted in another explosion.