Ridilucus
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Ridilucus4mthCommentedCh 5 Chapter V: Diverging Path- Ridilucus1yrCommented
This is why learning how to use commas is important
"You died because of my error child, you see you weren't supposed to die but you did because I cut the wrong string as for your other questions I have plenty of names, but the most familiar name that you know of me, child is God," God said. - Ridilucus1yrCommented
Quick question. What about hand-to-hand combat? Even knowing how to throw a good one-two combo would be benficial in situations where he could be unarmed and if he remembers boxing, he could try to replicate the footwork and techniques in it. Aside from that, maybe learning how to wield a dagger would be good. Easy to conceal and it should be easier to master than a spear. These are just ideas my ideas though.
He was starting to feel like a Shonen character, but he could not help himself. His body allowed for him to do crazy things by the normal man's standards. 10 for 1 and his healing would be wasted on him if he did not give it his all. - Ridilucus1yrCommented
Suggestion: After "...so can I", it should end at I instead of continuing after a comma because it creates an unnecessarily long sentence.
He sighs 'well it was worth the shot..well I will have to learn conventional energybending on my own.. if Amon achieved it on his own.. so can i, i might not have bloodbending but i refuse to believe that theres only one way to do it!' nodding he replies "Yes, its acceptable, was a pleasure doing business with you.. voice…" and two more glows appear around him, one after the other. - Ridilucus1yrCommented
Suggestion: In all situations pertaining to a character referring to themselves, 'i' should be capitalized
He sighs 'well it was worth the shot..well I will have to learn conventional energybending on my own.. if Amon achieved it on his own.. so can i, i might not have bloodbending but i refuse to believe that theres only one way to do it!' nodding he replies "Yes, its acceptable, was a pleasure doing business with you.. voice…" and two more glows appear around him, one after the other. - Ridilucus2yrCommented
'sword his sword'?
"Hmph. Your insolent tongue will be cut from your mouth." He sword his sword, and a deluge of blood swirled around it. Almost like a whip, it shot out at each of his movement, and he didn't stand still, each step of his covering the distance it would take a normal person several moments to match.