john_timothy
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john_timothy1mthReplied to PatriarchPlotArmorThe beauty mewed for a bit when she felt his rod fully submerging in her wet folds.- john_timothy4mthCommentedAMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE AMPUTATE!
- john_timothy5mthCommented
💀
On the contrary, Gwen appeared slightly dissatisfied with this request. Unfortunately, at that time, the women's rights movement was not powerful enough, so her opinion was completely ignored by the two men. - john_timothy5mthCommented
It’s all good!
It's just taking time to get the delicate details right, for all the dominos to fall into place...' - john_timothy5mthCommented
Hey good on you! You took criticism like a champ and are trying to improve! That makes you better than most writers on the platform haha.
Alright, gang, after taking a look at everyone's feedback on the recent chapters, I have a few things to say. First, because this is one of my early works, I consider it an experimentation ground, a place to test my writing abilities along with various new elements. The abrupt change in POV within the 6 chapters after the Vilgax event is an example of this, and there might be more such events in the future. I want to see everyone's reactions and opinions on it to improve my writing skills, so feel free to critique as long as it's polite. - john_timothy5mthReplied to H3LI0S
You don’t generally do drastic pov changes like this because it’s very jarring and confusing. Especially after the big fight with Vilgax since it makes it far less satisfying or interesting.
Ch 23 Chapter 26: {I need help; I still can't think of a fitting title with 'star' in it.} - john_timothy5mthReplied to Devils_and_angels
He can’t the omnitrix has failsafes that would prevent that
Inside its control room, there are two figures - one tall and grotesque, emanating a menacing aura, while the other is a small human, currently suspended in a circular frame, with all of their limbs tightly secured by machines, making it impossible for them to move. These two are the main antagonist and protagonist of the original series, Vilgax and Ben. - john_timothy5mthCommented
This chapter was very cringey. Pointless drama that was cringe and overall hurt the character you created by making him cowardly and having him make idiotic choices. I have an idea of what you were trying to write here and while it could definitely work and even add character growth and move other subplots along the execution wasn’t really good and it just fell flat.
This book has been deleted. - john_timothy5mthCommented
Cell?
This book has been deleted. - john_timothy5mthCommentedThis book has been deleted.
- john_timothy5mthReplied to Anoton
Nah it ain’t that deep author just didn’t write this part well
The pillar dispersed, leaving only a menacing figure in its wake - Koda's eyes now resembled a similar amber hue whilst he donned a grin akin to Okita's. His eyes lusting for battle as he stared the recruiter down. - john_timothy5mthCommentedI could feel something swell deep in my chest, something pure, something maddening, like a raging current that torrented through each and every one of my vessels.
- john_timothy5mthReplied to I_Am_Death"Experimenting on rabbits, we observed ocular mutations with a laser reaction."
- john_timothy6mthCommented"Ah... in front of such an old fox who has lived for thousands of years, I really can't let my guard down. Otherwise, I'll end up paying him instead," Mark silently admonished himself. From now on, he would be extra careful in his interactions with Odin to avoid falling into his traps again.
- john_timothy6mthCommented"Give my wife a biiiig hug. I miss her warmth."
- john_timothy6mthCommentedThough he was tempted to respond with muffled words, Ohta gave a thumbs-up that elicited a heavy eye roll from the dark-skinned beauty. Fortunately, she didn't immediately raise her hips, allowing him to enjoy the sensation much longer than he expected...