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CADMUS

CADMUS

Lv11

I publish on Scribble Hub now >> https://www.scribblehub.com/series/825014/the-transmigrated-heir-of-the-dukes-family/

2021-09-04 JoinedGlobal
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  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Replied to Bella_grace0
    The point is, Azarphy already thought Emery was his!
    altalt
    I transmigrated to a mafia character from a BL Dark novel!
    LGBT+ · Take_the_Moon
    detail
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    same issue, lack a period at the end of the paragraph

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    lacks a period after sorry

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    lacks a period after glasses

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    this story's in 3rd pov, right? if it is, then using "us humans" can be confusing cause that's like in 1st pov. Instead, use "the humans" or "the people"

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    yet life *paid a good joke on them

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Commented

    I recommend separating these into short sentences rather than 1 long sentence that's equivalent to a whole paragraph

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Replied to DaoistGuHIG6

    Hi! 😃 Thanks for your review, I'm glad that you enjoyed it 😁 I'm guilty of not updating that frequently cause it takes a lot of time for me to write just 1 chapter 😂 (I need to take time to brainstorm plus, depends if l'm in the mood to write) And, I also proofread them before publishing. But I'Il try harder to update more often 👌🏻

    altalt
    [DISCONTINUED] The Transmigrated Heir of the Duke's Family
    Fantasy · CADMUS
    detail
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Replied to CADMUS

    Almost forgot, about your book cover, the art is nice but it looks more like a fan art than a book cover—probably because the book title isn't readable. The book cover is the first thing a reader sees so you have to make your book title noticeable at first glance.

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS8mth
    Replied to CADMUS

    UPDATE: There's still room for improvement in terms of writing. Also, I feel like you're too focused on the action (not just the literal fight scenes) but the events I guess? I can't think of a better word for it. I know quite a lot of readers (especially the new ones) like to see actions asap but if you really want to attract loyal readers, I suggest take it slow. Take time in the worldbuilding and make your characters more fleshed-out (Don't make them characters that are just there to highlight the mc's prowess. Make them have more personality, make them have specific traits, or write their backstories to make them feel more alive. Remember that it's not always the protagonist that the readers like/fall for.) Another one, I still suggest to create a separate chapter on the auxilliary volume for your ranking system so that the readers can go there and reread in case they forget something.

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    scouting is often used for hunting...I recommend using "sensing danger" instead

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    I get the point you're conveying here but rather than "strongest", I think "using our fists" would be better...cause fists are more synonymous to "physical fighting" than strongest

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    "fallen student" can be indicative to "dying" or "died". I recommend using "lying on thr ground"....He picked up his student, who was lying on the ground. (You can also put more here...something like the appearance of the student (was his clothes dirty? did he have any injuries? you can also combine the hair color and its condition...like: "His thick red locks were tangled in a mess, a few wet strands falling on his forehead drenched in sweat)

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    *custom-made

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    Nonetheless, what you've written is already comprehensible

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    Also, this is my suggestion, but you can also go something like this: "Your techniques have improved. You're also more composed now than before." Their teacher commented. A proud smile adorned his (put a descriptive here) face as he complimented, "You're doing better, Kai. Well done."

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    I think rather than cooler, it would be better if the adjective is "calmer" for composure

    This book has been deleted.
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    Other topics you can also talk about: info dumps & characterization (what makes them feel alive and not one-dimensional)

    Ch 4 WARNING: CRINGE AHEAD
    altalt
    Honest opinion on cliches and stuff
    Realistic · DaoistGuHIG6
    detail
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    or maybe...talk about action/fighting scenes. What makes them thrilling for you? Do you prefer the MC always winning or do you think it's better if the MC loses sometimes cause not knowing who's gonna win makes it more exciting?

    Ch 4 WARNING: CRINGE AHEAD
    altalt
    Honest opinion on cliches and stuff
    Realistic · DaoistGuHIG6
    detail
  • CADMUS
    CADMUS9mth
    Commented

    About the topic, hmm...maybe you can talk about what you think in regards to descriptions? Like what do you prefer: the writing style that gets descriptive or the writing without too much descriptions? Or what makes a writing considered as "too descriptive" in your opinion...something like that

    Ch 4 WARNING: CRINGE AHEAD
    altalt
    Honest opinion on cliches and stuff
    Realistic · DaoistGuHIG6
    detail