Nyxxie_Nite0wl
Lv10
2021-08-08 JoinedGlobal
40.7h
of reading
40
Read books
Badges
3Moments
102
Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedI'm with you craken
'Oh bro, that was low' Craken murmured, shaking his head in disapproval. All his cockiness gone.- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 37 Chapter 35 ~ Yes
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 32 Chapter 31 ~ A Surprise for Marco
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 25 Chapter 24 ~ Reunited
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 24 Chapter 23 ~ After the storm
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 13 Chapter 12 New Reality
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
put it in me... not exactly sexy!
"Put it in me, Jake. I need to feel you." - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 4 Seeing History Repeat Itself
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 6 Who is backing Caroline?
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
this doesn't read correctly, I recommend revising slightly
"Wait what?" She couldn't help but give a bewildered expression at what he went with. She was thinking about Liza. "I was thinking about Liza. Does the Mafia, like you say you the head of does not happen to sell drugs?" Alexis knew one thing for sure. This guy was not going to sabotage his own life or plans for her. That simply seemed to be unrealistic. - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
shouldn't this be two? above 4 bullies are mention, 2 of which are discussed. that should leave 2...
"And the other three?" She asked. - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
you don't use also in this context when speaking. use "too" it sounds much more natural
"I'm not a player when it comes to you, Jess," seriousness entering our conversation again, "I thought you felt it also." - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
blew my mind also? who talks like that. it should be "you blew my mind too"
"Why shouldn't you? I felt it too, Jake. So much. I know you don't want anything serious with me, and I'm not sure I want to date either, but if sex would be like this between us... Well, you blew my mind also." I took a deep breath after finishing my speech, slightly embarrassed for putting all of this out so clearly. Desperate much? Ugh. - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommentedCh 12 Chapter 12
- Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
the language isn't clear in this paragraph and needs a rewrite.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Nyxxie_Nite0wl2yrCommented
the language isn't clear in this paragraph and needs a rewrite.
This paragraph has been deleted.