Overly technical.
Writing
of reading
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See this! I just gifted the story: Pizza
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola
The storys's similar to mine. Reality hopping. Different styles of writing so I can't comment much on it. I agree with others , it's erratic.