Brass_Badger
Today I am alone Looking on an empty street Dreaming while awake
Writing
of reading
13
Read books
I'm normally not a romance person but the chemistry between Femmia and Cato is just amazing. There's awesome chemistry here and I have a feeling that things are going to get wild. The writing overall is excellent and I think this is gonna be a great story (assuming the author keeps up with updates). Awesome work and looking forward to more!!
Someone got CAUGHT ahahaha
Potential for a strong emotional beat--could be further developed for even greater impact
Age is registered down to the minute? I find that rather disturbing for some reason...great work!
This is looking to be a very interesting world! Some writing tips: before you start working on your story, write for ten minutes a day without stopping--don't stop even to edit mistakes. It won't be great writing, but that's OK. When you're finished with ten minutes, read through and pick your favorite sentence and use that to start a new story. Do this every day and you'll be a much faster writer before you know it.
Very nice way of establishing time! Also gaming pods as being better for posture was an interesting surprise. There's great world building here
A very sweet story about a lonely siren that gains the power to change her tail into legs (and back again) through the power of a magic pearl. Through the Pearl the sire has a chance to go between the human and aquatic worlds, with lots of great potential for tension as a anyone able to go between two worlds will inevitably feel pressures from both. Starting off to be a great fantasy romance!
"Great War of Superiority" sends chills down my spine...what an awful name for a war, which is exactly how it should be. Great stuff
It looks like this prologue is trying to do too much. Think of a prologue as the opening number of a musical, or the short intro before the beginning of an old Star Trek TNG show. Effective prologues give a reader a taste of what's to come and, most importantly, sets the tone for the rest of the story. A lot of what's here is exposition, which is the background and history of the world. This kind of information is best told through the characters in dialogue, or through their actions as they explore, hear stories, uncover relics etc. For the future, try and have exposition told through the characters and not the narrator. You may be surprised as how your world changes for the better
There's been times when this was me
This line is unappreciated--it's got real punch to it
Maguire sounds callous and nasty--I'm excited :D
I'd kinda like to know how that conversation went ahahaha it sounds like there was some planning involved