It was a pretty good story overall, there were some points where I was confused and some grammar issues but overall it was good. Keep improving and writing and you'll do great.

it has an interesting story to it but It took a while before I could fully understand what was talking place. there were some grammar errors but overall it was good

This is quite interesting so far. Though there were times I was kinda mixed up it was enjoyable nonetheless. I was able to fully imagine the story while I was reading it and the fact that the imagery wasn't disrupted means you did a good job in keeping it well-paced. overall its an enjoyable story, there are some grammar errors but apart from that good job. 8.5/10

np

I never thought I would be interested in a story until I read yours, I think there might be something's I could learn from your story to be better at writing my own.