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Since your other fanfiction had the same character, I realized that they were from a novel (or a show, movie, or something similar). I just referred to them as "MC." In that case, there's only one issue that stands out to me: there's too much system text and unnecessary information, which makes it easy to get lost and takes me out of the story's atmosphere. Thanks for your time !
At first, you say that convincing the MC won't be easy, but then he gets convinced with just one sentence and becomes extremely shy around women, regardless of who they are. He is easily influenced by the other character. I mean, the MC is supposed to be strong, yet he's also overly timid—who would be intimidated by Mart 7? Lastly, he blushes like a tomato in every situation and gets teased for it. (I’m not trying to discourage you or say that your work is bad, but I think you could tweak these aspects a little.)
That was good 👍
It is interesting entering chapter 👍
Where is Kafka
Thanks 4 chapter
Thanks 4 chapter
Thanks 4 chapter
Thanks 4 chapter