EC_Wolf

I quite literally had to look away from the cringe... Jesus was it strong

Most original fanfic of PJO I've seen, you go bro. It's pretty good, great story telling and everything, grammar is up high like proffesional, and the character is great, I have my theories about him how ever, but I'll wait till they prove trhough, he's a five star.

Love it so far, and don't have any issue, seems pretty original too, the only issue is that there is a chance you abondon it, and you're a very talented writer with great ideas so i hope not. In the end, 5 stars for you

There was supposed to be a soace between the man and woman dialogue but I guess the review didn't enter it, but I hope you got what I meant

I'ma do you a favor mate, alright? Now don't take offence because all I'm about to say will help you. 1, Dialogue, when a character speaks, it requires two things, 1, it's closed quotations, examples "Hi, you look nice," said a man. The man said, "Hey, you look nice." "Hey you look nice." 2, it's own paragraph, each character speaking owns it's own paragraph, so one chracter can have two soeaking setences in one because thats their paragraph, but another character can't share that paragraph, example, "Hey man, you look good," the man said, "What perfume did you put on." "Thank you, I put on yada yada," Said the woman."Oh that's nice."This is something you should really know because any book and fic contains these examples.Another thing to help you, time period dialect. If you're character is in a modern day setting, they won't call their mother, mother, they'll call her, mom, but if they're in an ancient setting or an older setting like ww2 era, than instead of mom, it would be mother.Now since im going by the top of the dome, thats all I can think of. You can go on reddit and quora for more, but a recommendation is to use grammarly for grammar mistakes and the like. Another recommendation is to read heavily followed fics over on fanfictions of your choice because they're famous for reason, i.e, most definitely for their grammar and their storytelling. Anyway good day to you.

Love it so far. The way they speak matches the era, the information, the spacing, the proper diaologue format, etc. This is definitely up there. I do have a request though for the author, and its not outlandish so I don't see how it could be an issue. Write it so the gods are truly portrayed as they were in the mythos, so the examples being the r*pe of medusa, the curse of heracles, the unfair beating and punishment of arachne, the r*pe of callisto and artemis unfairly punishing her and hunting her down, etc and etc to make it more realistic and brutal. Another request is to make Ares the honorable god that he really actually is instead of how modern media portrays him, because really, its only him, hestia and hades(depending on which mythos you believe on how the ordeal of him and Persephone went down) that are truly the good gods of olympus that are olympians (Zeus: R*pist Possidon:R*pist Hades: Depended R*pist Hera:Serial Murderer Artemis: Serial Murderer Aphoridte: Serial Murderer Dionyusus: R*pist Hermes: R*pist OG Apollo: R*pist

Im reading more, stop "I am," and do ""I'm"

Legit don't know if you fixed eventually, but stop with "it is not" or "do not" or "will not" use "isn't", "don't" "won't" makes it more realistic because every american speaks with these and its pet peeve of mine when daiolgue or monologues are said in ways that dont match the era the story is set in. Like you're typing as if we were in the 1800 with this shit. Other than that you're fine really.

He's in a coma. Neve4 diss Person 2

Honestly, haven't read such fine literature in a while, the Grammar, the plot, the way characters speak, "Father" instead of "Dad", perfection. You see this reviee, give it a read, because if you like bottom to top type stories, this a good go to. And if you like CK3 then this is kind of the same with building up your house and stuff.