I think you overdid it in the first chapter itself The story is only interesting when its been cooked for a while involving emotions you should have started when the boy was teleported or transmigrated to the norm sect and then it would have slowly developed with emotions of ....losing like in the description and then the anger towards the world and then the fiery desire to end the world making him evil a good story always starts with a protagonist's point of view Its like you are narrating the story you should try to write short sentences instead Like for example you wrote .......a heavy gust of wind appeared around her as it encircled her shortly befor disappearing with her.....you could have written she disappeared with a heavy gust of wind ...... also you made the plot totally different chapter 1 decides the whole story so now the story should have a protagonist in the opposition who lost his family due to the evil mage and vows to rid the world of evil mage but you wanted to write the pain of the evil mage what happened with him and how he became evil I hope you will take this long review i have written into consideration Dont get me wrong ....your story writing and describing is good but with a few changes in the way you write it will become intresting too