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JoJ

JoJ

Lv2

https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-bet_20161539905271805 https://www.webnovel.com/book/anemones_20040643706911505

2021-04-26 JoinedGlobal
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  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Posted

    Dear Author, From the very beginning, the reader can feel that author has a concept for the whole story. The plot is intriguing, and your characters are interesting. You nicely build not only the characters but also the background. Your English is good, so it's pleasure to read it. I love Kenna and I hope for a happy ending.

    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    Sounds goooood!

    "Kena, you heard me the first time. "I'd like to take you to a party." We were both seated in the back of the classroom, and his chair was very close to mine, so you can imagine what that little bit of space was doing to my already twitchy heart. It wasn't amusing.
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    "Kena, what..." he started to say but I quickly placed my hand over his mouth which cause his eyes to widen slightly.
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    Poor guy, he looked genuinely confused and terrified. God, at that point, for the first in my life, I felt completely shitty about my messed-up sense of humour, if it could even be called that.
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    Ch 2 Chapter One: The road to Greenvale
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    He is a violent man :(

    "I said, stay." Dad's voice was hard and harsh, and the fear in the eyes of Mum made it even ten times scarier for younger me. Then, just when I thought I couldn't possibly be any more scared, Dad's voice rang out again,
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    "I don't think I want to go out with you anymore; I'm way too worked up right now. I'm going to take Kena, get her the damn dog, and come back later." I overheard Dad say to Mum, but something about the way he said it sent shivers down my spine.
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    hmm...

    "Oh, please, I saw what I saw, and she proves it to me every single day! So don't take me for a fool, because so help me God you'll regret it!"
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    An intriguing beginning!

    Ch 1 Prologue
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    giving up wasn't the best solution, I suppose.

    The Goddess looked for that one person for thousands of years, but she soon discovered that no one, gods or men, could really love anyone 100 per cent and that if given the chance, many would prefer someone else other than the partners they claimed to love completely. She was so depressed and lonely as a result of this realization that she decided it was best to give up on love and stop looking.
    altalt
    Lost Treasure: A churchmouse dream
    Fantasy · DelphineIU
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    Interesting introduction

    Ch 1 prologue.
    altalt
    The gods: unparalleled.
    Eastern · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    "Anyway, now that his son has awakened, he must need to visit and pass some wisdom to him. However, I don't know his method of appearance. After all, immortals and gods aren't supposed to interfere with the activity of mortals. It doesn't matter if his child is a demigod."
    altalt
    The gods: unparalleled.
    Eastern · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    not a good thing ;)

    "Aren't you so lucky?" Makena batted her lashes, "Your best friend is your boss."
    altalt
    Allow me to love fictiously
    Urban · Miss_Elated03
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    "We didn't mean to upset you." Aurum joined in, sounding uninterested. It's not surprising, Cory nudged her to speak.
    altalt
    Allow me to love fictiously
    Urban · Miss_Elated03
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    So far so good! You pay attention to the language so it's a pleasure to read it.

    Ch 20 You want to reap where you did not sow
    altalt
    Peerless Mind.
    Fantasy · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Posted

    The cover page is nicely done, and the synopsis also. The story is interesting and your main character is expressive and has an intriguing personality and nicely written descriptions. Well done!

    altalt
    Peerless Mind.
    Fantasy · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    An intriguing beginning!

    Ch 1 The encounter. edited
    altalt
    Peerless Mind.
    Fantasy · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented

    ehh...

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Peerless Mind.
    Fantasy · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    Peerless Mind.
    Fantasy · Bright_Gabriel_9341
    detail
  • JoJ
    JoJ1yr
    Posted

    From the very beginning, the reader can feel that the author has a concept for the whole story! A big plus for that ;) The plot is intriguing, and the main character - Makena has an interesting personality.

    altalt
    Allow me to love fictiously
    Urban · Miss_Elated03
    detail