DukeBirdie
I'm a VERY new author with an active imagination. I just want my stories to come to life, if you enjoy them you should leave a comment telling me why you like them, if not please tell me why.
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DukeBirdie2mthCommentedlol what's this language you're writing in
Unfortunately, he was either too old or had reached the peak of his natural talent, and he failed to make a successful breakthrough.- DukeBirdie1yrCommented
i'm just commenting on my own work because i noticed that this just kind of ends off without telling why the mc keeps his job and how he does it when the rich parents are pressuring him. just a note for when i come back to this work in around a year
Anyways, their parents come after me and threaten me with my job. You see, I'd be happy if I got fired because then I wouldn't have to deal with these little maggots anymore. With my Doctorate in computer science I'm basically able to get a job anywhere I want. - DukeBirdie2yrReplied to Maian
No
This paragraph has been deleted. - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
Yes, he just looked in THE EXACT OPPOSITE direction as you were in for like 20 minutes. (Not a coincidence).
When the instructor wasn't looking at him, Wang Teng continued his collection business. - DukeBirdie2yrReplied to Andrew_Edwards_0410
lmfao
This ring was worth three million psionic coins. It was priceless. - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
but he wasn't even able to kill the fish. how is he now able to move on to killing people?
"No matter how powerful the people backing you are, if you spy on me, I will kill you."detailStarting From Fooling the Elderly into Registering for a Cultivation Training ClassEastern · Evolution of Ten Updating Beasts - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
I want to join him, that would be a lifelong endeavor, especially since his lifespan is extended.
It seems that in this life, all my conditions are the best. If I still can't shatter the void and become a god with all those advantages, then I really should find a piece of tofu and knock myself to death with it. - DukeBirdie2yrReplied to reaper_king
That still makes no sense. Even if there's inbreeding, it would be between those who are of the same theoretical age, not two who are of such different ages.
"Senior, let's go out and have a snowball fight!" - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
These two seem to have a similar relationship to a grandfather and a granddaughter, so why are they going at it in bed? It seems to make no sense, even taking their respective ages into account.
"Senior, let's go out and have a snowball fight!" - DukeBirdie2yrCommentedCh 4 A Dream Fulfilled
- DukeBirdie2yrReplied to Anony_Mous_1902Ch 2 Obsession
- DukeBirdie2yrReplied to nia_94
- DukeBirdie2yrCommented
I like the drive of the story and the way that it's set out but I wonder if you could improve the transitions between perspectives. The perspective changes in the story were very confusing to me. I also was wondering if you would consider putting the ending part towards when you begin telling the story, so as to give a slight bit of context before the story has begun and to give it a little bit more comprehensibility. Other than these points I can really see this story going somewhere, it looks really good and the connection with the mc is established very early on, which I like. Good work!
Ch 2 Obsession - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
I enjoy the story, it has a good plot, but for a story such as this, with a detective playing the mc I believe you should have a more roundabout way of answering plot points. For example, instead of saying, the woman was laying there with a stab wound. Say something like: The woman was lying on the road with a knife in her chest, and blood pooling around her. Her hair was splayed around her head, preserving the fear she felt in her final moments. Other than this point, this is something that I'm going to add to my library! Very good work!
Ch 3 1.1 The First World - DukeBirdie2yrCommented
That is the most poggers move I've ever encountered
Kai: This actually happened to me as well once, where I thought she would say no and I had to make it seem like I was kidding, but when I saw her look of disappointment when she thought I was joking, I quickly added “So, want to grab lunch?” :3 - DukeBirdie2yrReplied to Dosithee
I agree, it's slightly annoying that he doesn't have to start from the bottom and pass through countless obstacles to reach the top but I still like this form of story.
Xiong Lu of the Heaven's Divinity, standing at the top of the Legacy Ranking as the number one Player in this world. He is a major figure even in the real world, owning one of the biggest gaming companies out there.