Illegal_Alien_7762
of reading
1
Read books
This was a dissapointing chapter that had the opportunity to go big, but ultimatly felt rushed. I will read the third chapter tomorrow.
Looks like you started to get bored and wanted to hurry the plot along - worring indication of what is to come
Huge jump, bad sign
There are problems with asking this in character, as he character has established they dannot speak
At this point, cannonically the protagonist should not 'know' who 'mother' is. These should be abstracts explored with the reader over time, not with a level of assumed knowledge (dispite the pretense of the prologue seemingly permitting it)
Is the protagonist 2 days old?
'The spell to awaken him' is very 'on the nose' about it - surely there's a level of sublty here that is lacking
Again, third person not first person perspective - you can follow a character but the shift is jarring
Changes between the present tense of the previous paragraph and past tense in this one - reads almost like you were attempting to write a screenplay. If so, this part should be from the third person perspective, not first person.
I like it - good opening, just the right level of cliche
The Novel should not shift between styles - just tell the prologue from another characters perspective if you have to tell a prologue at all
I skipped the prologue the second time around