Senior, the scene that I have given still is far off in the future. I just could not hold it out and had written it. I apologise.

You generally write in a good way, it's just that you don't let the characters show enough emotions. In the beginning, all of the characters felt quite similar, but they are starting to become more unique. The world building while not much has been shown or explained, the things shown are really cool. But in these paragraph comments, I already showed some bad things. Also, the thing with the third-eyed guy seemed weird. First of all, the MC didn't show any plan like he said, but just used some incarnation. Also, that guy just gave something out, without any apparent reason. Then again from all I could read, it seemed like the MC lived a normal life, then how is he supposed to know about that guy or his summoning words? Especially if he doesn't seem to know much about the world of mysticism. Some scenes were also confusing, but I can't exactly remember them perfectly. Other than that in 9 chapters almost nothing happened. A lot of potential but a lot of things to take better care of. **Recommended because I thought faster than I wrote.

Makes sense. But maybe a surface-level explanation? Like: "A witness is a person that has seen a glimpse of a truth/higher being" or something

cool.

show, don't tell.

still don't know what it means to call someone as a wittness

more emotion.

asked or better inquired

Instead of tell, show. "Shapish body began trembling, his eyes wide open. With a hint of insanity, he spoke: "Something like that maybe

doesn't feel natural. Shapish was supposed to have lived a normal life in the past where he didn't even now more than surface information about mystics. So why should he know how to convince a high being to helo him?

I don't think it was ever explained why corruption is so bad. Or was that the thing with the higher consciousness devouring you?

Using vocabulary with no explanation of what they mean. Is an ocular technique a rank or type of technique?

Use more different words for say/said. like in this case 'warned'

The whole mother thing and such felt forced, there was no relationship build-up between the mother and son. This feels just like you want to make the MC have some sort of sad past.

I'm also talking about the previous paragraph.

All-knowing Characters that reveal things are useful, but not the best way to convey information most times. There are many ways, but I understand that you would have trouble giving such high-level information at the beginning another way. But if you have such trouble giving information, is the information really something that your character needs to know so early?

They are two different people. In understand now.

What is happening? Is the priest another voice in his head? Is the priest named war?

When did the priest appear? His

Shapis? Is that his name? The Introduction should have been better. Like the mother names him and he thinks something like "{the name his mother gave him} huh, I've had so many names during my lives but only {true name here} is the name I accept"