OcramVinicius
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OcramVinicius3yrReplied to youraqthank you very much for yur review. This was my first ever novel, so I went for a safe option, and made generic system. I'm glad that you liked the characters! I've been trying to improve my writing skills, but I still make errors, or miss important information in the story; I expect to improve further as I write more novels.
- OcramVinicius3yrCommented
let's go!!!!!!
He walked back into the kitchen, already seeing Wey and Isona making their plates. There was a plate next to Wey that had spaghetti in it. When Wey noticed his gaze on the food, he spoke, "I made this for your son. I hope that is fine?" - OcramVinicius3yrCommented
my parents: phone traking. CIA parents: phone traking, body cameras, security cameras, hidden cameras, bugs everywhere, full background checks whenever I bring someone home. Theo's dad: [Absolute Senses] (I'm sorry for you, Theo; I wish you the best!)
Even though he was in his bedroom to change clothes, he activated [Absolute Senses] so he can keep an ear out for anything happening. - OcramVinicius3yrCommented
Neban: Strong monters: Feel fear, you human!!! Neban: fear? what is that? wey & isona: (touch Neban) Neban: (breathing intensifies)
His stomach felt weird from both of their touches, which he did not know what the feeling meant. But, he was uncomfortable with it. - OcramVinicius3yrReplied to ShadowWerewolf
then there are the Legendary SSS+ level friends who do everything you need before you even know that you need it.
The group understood as they stood up, leaving the packed bags on the wall. Owain and Isona grabbed the two empty bags as they walked back into the room. - OcramVinicius3yrCommented
I think that he finds humans disgusting because we eat veggies... what else is there to hate about us? We're perfect... right?
The king spat out the word 'human' like it was the most disgusting thing he tasted or seen. Neban shifted on his feet as he stared the king down. - OcramVinicius3yrReplied to Thanatos_6883
I thought the same thing, lol
The others took their bites after hearing his son's praise. They made the same face, as Wey and Isona practically moaned at the taste. Neban bit the inside of his cheeks as he felt a blush coming up. Maybe he should never let them eat his food again. - OcramVinicius3yrReplied to RJMidnight
Many people are just criticizing your work... But I think that the author developent adds an extra later to the story development. When I read a story, I feel as if I'm inside the story, and if the writing is getting better, it also makes me feel as if I'm the one who's getting better. Anyway, I think that you did a great job! I wrote an online novel myself, and I only have a few short episodes for now; But now that I look back the the first episodes, I see that I've become way better than I was before, and I hope that you feel the same way!
It was Friday, his son's birthday, and Neban spent the morning and afternoon watching movies with Theo. He brought him four new children's books (his son likes books over toys) and a cake that they won't eat until later.