MA_Frio
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MA_Frio2yrReplied to Ash_MardengreenMe too đ
"Roar!"- MA_Frio2yrCommentedCh 6 Hide and Seek
- MA_Frio2yrCommented
I would probably compare the processing room to something other than a tropical place though, because its initial description seemed cold and dreary, which is not at all like the tropical areas of the world. Characterisation of the new characters is interesting. Glad to see the story picking up a bit.
Ch 3 Processing - MA_Frio2yrCommented
I like the light hearted humor of the story so far. I wouldâve liked more build up to the big reveal/discovery of the main characterâs powers though: a more detailed glimpse into his everyday world, and maybe a little specifics about how his friendship with his old friend endedâbasically a more immersive introductory experience. I canât deny Iâm intrigued though and am interested to read further.
Ch 1 The Day Everything Changed - MA_Frio2yrPosted
The writing was goodâpleasant enough to read with just a few lapses in grammar and a few awkward word choices. The beginning with the hitchhiker and the missing girls provided an interesting opening but I donât see the value or purpose of these details at the end; literally it was like I was reading a series of events (like the description says) but those events werenât really dependent on each other and barely connected at the end. Though I felt the story lacking in execution and plot, it has overall an intiguing premise.
- MA_Frio2yrReplied to David_Neilsen
What I was thinking Or you can just say âof bad reputeâ
This paragraph has been deleted. - MA_Frio2yrCommented
I like the description of the houses moving. I really like personification of inanimate objects.
The residence appeared so seceded that it almost seemed as if it had been ostracised from the other residences in the neighbourhood; as if the houses themselves spent the last few decades slowly creeping away from it. - MA_Frio2yrReplied to Sigheti
The word works if he distinguished it FROM something, like if he distinguished the hills FROM the road meaning he spotted the hills as a separate structure from the road.
It was on his way to Eaton Secondary School that Charles Corbyn first distinguished the bleak yellow protrusion aside the dusty field road. It was not much of a car; at least not alike the cars people prided themselves with at West-Eaton, but a vehicle that was in a low-grade but adequate state. It must still have been another mile ahead of him but even with the rolling of the landscape one could look quite far ahead. They weren't hills. They were too small to be called hills. But they were the only protrusion in the otherwise flat scenery and thus the locals had proudly dubbed them the Eaton Hills. Beside, along and beyond stretched fields of grass and wheat and barley, and calm, cud-chewing bovines lay languidly beside the grids of barbed wire. A line of pines ran along the horizon, suggesting a forest, silhouetted against the grim, cloudy heavens. It would rain later on, Corbyn knew, and he would rather be on paved road when it did. He had no desire to be stuck in the mud all afternoon.