MorganLionheart
Where shall I begin, perhaps with what brought me here. I started a certain journey about three years ago, I'm an OLEN writer, will you follow me on my journey now?...
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MorganLionheart3yrReplied to MorganLionheart- MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
Your very welcome, what i would do is re-read the story and watch for key points. - Does the thought process between one paragraph and the next make sense. (Sometimes there might be a sentence or two of transition either missing or out of place.) - Watch out about changing POV’s not only in the same chapter but also in the same thought. (Going from inward like I, My, to outward “she wrigggled under shelly’s touch”) doing that can throw off your reader if its too sudden. Lastly, -Maybe hand it to someone you trust for some editing. But, I would only take the last step once the volume is done at this stage. You could re-release one chapter at a time if you want, but, for one it would cause a greater waiting period which your readers might not appreciate since you’ve come this far already.
- MorganLionheart3yrPosted
Although the writing does seem a bit clumsy at times, there is NOTHING about this story i didnt like. Firstly, the premise is great, leaving the place you’ve known the best to retrieve what you’ve lost. The character development is on point, The author is very careful to peice together Shelly’s story in such a way that you can really connect with her. The story isnt bogged down with your typical tropes either, dont get me wrong, I love a good romance, but taking a step from that, giving Mou and Shelly the relationship like that of a sister and baby brother or even mother and son, it does something that i think actually draws you closer to them. Plus, Mou is a HOOT! I truly believe that as time goes on, the author has more time to develop and become more confident, these stories will be VERY hard to match. I look forward to the continuation not only of this story but, the creators growth as an author!
- MorganLionheart3yrCommentedCh 15 Chapter 015: A New Friend
- MorganLionheart3yrReplied to JozanCh 10 Bonus: Makoto
- MorganLionheart3yrCommentedCh 12 Chapter 012: Lamdon Town
- MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
And neither is Makoto, Theres a DDUMMM DUM DUUUUUMMMM moment coming
"Are you freakin' kidding me?" she growled. "This is the Kai I've heard so much about that it's actually started to make me sick? Snap out of it right now or I'll smack the blue right out of your eyes!" She knew her threat made no sense, but she didn't care. She was livid and she was going to let him know. "I've always heard that you don't really follow rules. You aren't a crazy risk taker, but you take things into your own hands and make them go your way! Klein just said it's up to you, so buck up and figure out your next move, damnit!" She reeled her arm back to go for another swing at his face, but his arm shot up and her hand caught his forearm. He looked up at her and grinned. - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
Your right, shes not but... no spoilers
"Nnaaggh... Akio no!" she protested as she dragged her free hand across his face, raking it with her nails. Akio howled as he held his face and Cassandra rolled him off her, allowing her to get to her feet and head away. Akio sighed as he got up to pursue, but he looked back just in time to see he man with the tattoo following. He heard the man's footfalls as he approached. Akio reached into his pocket as he muttered something under his breath. The man grabbed him, hoisting him into the air by the collar of his jacket. Akio swung his right hand, thrusting a knife which burst into flames with a brilliant white light as it stabbed into the man's neck. - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
Vanpire Hunter Ascociation V H A
The VHA: - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
Dude i’mma make you cry at some point. Don’t write off Cassandra just yet
"Nnaaggh... Akio no!" she protested as she dragged her free hand across his face, raking it with her nails. Akio howled as he held his face and Cassandra rolled him off her, allowing her to get to her feet and head away. Akio sighed as he got up to pursue, but he looked back just in time to see he man with the tattoo following. He heard the man's footfalls as he approached. Akio reached into his pocket as he muttered something under his breath. The man grabbed him, hoisting him into the air by the collar of his jacket. Akio swung his right hand, thrusting a knife which burst into flames with a brilliant white light as it stabbed into the man's neck. - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
He couldnt just come out with it. When you get to the second to final chapter you’ll see why
Klein nodded. "A few days after you entered Chimera Academy we were visited by Haruka's grandmother. Turns out she and your mother were good friends, and a promise was made. If it turned out that any of the future generations gained the power of their ancestor, then a powerful glamour would be used to make sure it didn't get into the wrong hands. Well, you can guess the result..." - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
Oh duuuuude, if you ONLY knew!
Turning the knob, he opened the door to see Kokona standing there with her arms crossed. "So, you let someone other than your partner get you out of your funk, huh?" She reached out and flicked him in the middle of the forehead causing him to rub his head. - MorganLionheart3yrCommented
If you mean The wheel of a cart, you need a space
"Shelly, you have to eat some more. It's way too good." Maou kept forcing me to eat more food but I was already full from the CART WHEEL of a slab of meat he gave me at first. - MorganLionheart3yrCommentedCh 9 Chapter 009: A Mother and Her Children
- MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
- MorganLionheart3yrCommented
This is such a little brother thing to do! He’s so carefree and hilarious !
This paragraph has been deleted. - MorganLionheart3yrReplied to JozanCh 5 Chapter 005: The Cold-Blooded Ice Magician
- MorganLionheart3yrReplied to Jozan
You’ve got a solid story, the only thing i would say is, try thinking of it more as a draft, each suggestion is a point to think through and decide if making changes makes sense to you or not
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