Zackary_Zhangcheng
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This review is of the first three chapters. The quality of the work is excellent. Though there are a few tense inconsistencies here and there, I can say for certain that the author is a seasoned one. The storyline itself is also intriguing. I won't spoil too much here. For now, I look forward to more updates to come :)
I am a fan of Oda's humility.
Does he know for sure that he died? It seems like his old body just went unconscious.
Hmm. The tense is inconsistent here. Try using "burst" instead of "bursts".
I like this bit of world building. It's both subtle and effective.
Alright, not to go on a string of critiques, but I'd also recommend lengthening the time in which the speaker processes his surroundings. This conclusion, though obvious to readers, shouldn't be as much so to the character placed in the situation.
This dialogue seems a little unnatural. Perhaps try reading it out loud to see if it sounds the way you intend.
The story, at least from what I've read this far, is one the most well written I've seen on this platform. The grammar, descriptions, and character development are all there. My only issue is how admittedly slow the pace is. But a good story requires patience, am I right? I look forward to seeing what else our heroes of cultivation have to offer.
I really hope to see these powers shown to us readers. I'll admit, while the writing style is near perfect, the pace is a little slow. But at least you're establishing the relationships between characters.
It's kind of interesting to see such a dynamic character who's only five years old. I do hope he doesn't pull off any unrealistically ***** feats out of nowhere though. We need character development đ€
I think it should be "...and patted him..."
grimace **
OOPS. I mean to say "and". Sorry.
The second half of the sentence â the one after "the" â doesn't sound like something somebody would naturally say. Sounds too much like narration.
I'll have to read further in order to give a more fair review. But as per the condition we agreed to on WebNovel forums, I'll list my thoughts so far. The grammar is quite polished. I can tell that the author has been at it for a decent amount of time. And usually I wouldn't recommend the usage of a first person POV in a fantasy novel, but in this story, it's well done. As a reader, I could feel the emotions of the protagonist as she struggled to recall how she ended up in that void. Another intriguing aspect of the story was the number of relevant characters introduced from the get go. The author doesn't name them, but instead gives them titles that are easy to follow during an action-packed scene. I assume that they'll be given names later. It'll be a neat tie-in to see.
Just out of curiosity, was Teacher Song of Korean descent?