burntwallflower

Also, please take some time to check out my work as well. Thank you!

I noticed in the early chapters that you have very rigid descriptions. That's not bad at all but, I can see that you're trying to immerse the audience in the events in the story itself. You can keep going with your own style but, when it comes to descriptions or telling the reader what the character is going through, use their senses. For example, Ummi felt sad. Instead of outright saying that, describe how she physically feels at that moment. Ummi endured the painful tightness in her chest as the heartbreak of being forced to start over left her breathless and in tears. You've actually done this a few times already and all I'm doing now is encouraging you. You can do this. Keep writing!

This novel takes a unique approach, almost like a screenplay in the beginning. The way the narrative changed from third-person to a personal perspective was disorienting at first but as I read through, I discovered a very emotional journey that a lot of people will be able to relate to. This deserves more attention.

Thank you for reading!

10/10. The only reason I have yet to give a perfect score is that it's a bit hard to observe any world background as it relies deeply on the reader's knowledge of Greek mythology. But by god, this was a great read.

Thank you for reading!

Thank you for reading!

Solid grammar and vocabulary. It's a worthy read that readers should honestly check out. The imagery of the scenes gets a bit too vague sometimes and although it is essential to leave room for imagination, play with the reader's senses a little more, author. You're doing awesome!

Thank you for reading!

The idea of this story is quite interesting and the way the author develops that is rather effective. This deserves more attention. Keep going, author!