Sevnir
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Sevnir14dCommentedSave yourself!
"But I have more than thirty-seven with my grandparents."- Sevnir27dCommentedRey applied the [Greater Warrior's Mantle] to buff himself, while also increasing the intensity of the lightning formed by his [Greater Lightning Magic] Skill.
- Sevnir1mthPosted
Two words: chapter padding. I read to chapter 20, and it keeps getting worse. Seems like 15% of the chapters are repeating or rephrasing something that was mentioned earlier or drawing out the details of character interactions to annoying lengths...all to increase chapter length. Also, the blind girl who has been blind her whole life feels as helpless as someone who just went blind. Should she be impared? Yes. Should she be utterly helpless? No.
- Sevnir2mthCommented
You use "unhurriedly" a lot. Use slowly, leisurely, lazily, and nonchalantly as well to give a better variety of words that basically mean the same thing without sounding repetitive.
Opening his eyes, Leo stared above, at the wooden ceiling in daze for a couple of minutes before unhurriedly standing up... exiting the wooden house as he gazed at the horizon in deep thought. - Sevnir2mthCommented
Four times now? You use it so often that it loses its meaning.
This... - Sevnir2mthCommented
Saying "This..." is a good way to show shock, but you are using it too much. It becomes less impactful when you use it two to three times per chapter. Save it for really huge situations and mix it up with sayings like "Oh no" or something similar.
This... - Sevnir2mthCommented
The word you are looking for is "hasten." Fasten means to attach things together, like fastening your seatbelt or a rope. Hasten means to make something go faster.
Unfortunately, If I just could create a potion right now, It might save us a lot of time by fastening their recovery... - Sevnir2mthReplied to Supreme_V
- Sevnir2mthPosted
Good grammar and story, but it's got a lot of subtle and hidden repetition along with just enough unnecessary details that I lost interest. The author is good at disguising it, but it's chapter length padding nonetheless. If you read this, just know that there will probably a good handful of sentences per chapter that are either paraphrased repetitions or completely unnecessary details that add absolutely nothing to the story or mental picture being pained...and it gets worse as the story progresses. ⬆️ See what I did there? Expect that a lot from this book!
- Sevnir3mthCommented
Low intelligence is on a roll...
He wasn't entirely sure what kind of monster he was facing. While he had read information about creatures commonly found in D-class dungeons, Dante hadn't delved deeply into the subject. At the time, his focus had been solely on navigating an F-class dungeon. - Sevnir5mthCommented
Sunny! It's Warren!
To this day, Sunny was not sure whether Ascended Bast was truly the current vessel of Mordret, one of his reflections, or simply a diversion meant to sow confusion among his enemies. At times, Sunny had felt certain that the bleak man was none other than the Prince of Nothing, but he still harbored some doubt. - Sevnir5mthCommented
You'd think Cassie could see his Aspect and such, and she would know it was Mordret.
"Lady Song of the Fallen, Ascended Sunless. Lady Morgan is inviting you to join her in the head vehicle at your convenience." - Sevnir5mthCommented
Poor Cassie
"Are you blind? Well, whatever. Let's see what exactly changed…" - Sevnir5mthCommented
At least let him nibble on Kai first to make the task easier!
Imp, meanwhile, looked down, at the surface of the steel sole. For the first time ever, his ugly face actually paled. - Sevnir5mthCommented
🤣🤣
"Oh… oh, this is too good! So the little gremlin has a mini version of himself now?" - Sevnir5mthCommented
Still need Scavi to take a nibble out of Effie.
A thin layer of polished metal suddenly covered her skin, making the huntress look like a beautiful steel statue. By her side, Kai summoned his ivory armor, as well as the Transcendent bow he had received after slaying the Corrupted Tyrant, Malignant Grave Root. An arrow that seemed to contain a sea of flames appeared on the black string. - Sevnir5mthReplied to jSav
Nephis controls fire now. Of course she cooks. She is one with the flame. She is Lord of the Flames.
The ancient vessel turned into a leisure yacht for a few days. Nephis was in charge of cooking, while the rest of them were in charge of eating — they talked, enjoyed each other's company, and tried really hard to forget the cold dread of Antarctica for a few fleeting moments. - Sevnir5mthCommented
Hehe
A few days went by in a flash. Nothing serious seemed to have happened, but grand and dire events were being set in motion in the shadows.