HalfX
Lv3
125415th #1 GhostyZ hater Also why can't I set the sun as my hometown? I live there.
2021-01-06 JoinedGlobal
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HalfX1yrCommentedCh 4 Chapter 4: The Pain of Living- HalfX1yrReplied to ShinSoma
Yep, try splitting the description into 2-3 parts.
The softest chirping of birds echoed through the tiny window, while the sun shone through the tiny slits in the wood that lit up the musty room. A rusty cot had been placed in the right corner of the room while a table with a stool sat on the left, and next to the cot was a broken nightstand. The contents on top of the nightstand were only a small mirror and a candlestick. A nub remained of a white candle that had burned through the night. Wax coated the smallholder and dripped onto the ground leaving dried wax that seemed to outstretch the candle but would never reach home again. A makeshift rug had been made with strips of fabric that once had been a blanket. The makeshift rug had been placed in the center of the room, a barrier between the freezing stone flooring and one's feet. On top of the table was a small bowl filled with water either for drinking or bathing while a wooden hairbrush sat next to the bowl. Another candle had been placed on this table, the candle far less used than the nub that remained of the other. Towards the table on the right sat on the ground a small chest that contained clothes, toiletries, and any other item the small vixen was able to procure, which was not much. She had scrounged everything she owned, grateful that they now seemed to ignore her unless their anger got the better of them. No longer used as a dog's chew toy she had earned her role. After the brutal death of the previous caretaker, she was granted the role of caretaker of the residence, but to a home that did not want her. - HalfX1yrReplied to ShinSoma
pretty much just experience for the MC, a stepping stone in another word
The stench of feces and decayed food filled the cages, and vomit and other bodily fluids seeped into the floor. Unlike her room, the cages were kept heated, making the bait smell up to high heaven. The scent makes it easier for the pups to track their prey. The entire room was filled top to bottom with 5x5 cages. Depending on how the family was feeling, some cages had only one person in them while others were cramped to see how many could fit in them. Fortunately, they just had a chase so most of the cages were empty. The ones who had survived were placed in individual cages, many chewed up from their ordeal. Whimpers filled the room as well as the labored breathing of others. The hunts were brutal and only when one more of the prey was left standing would the victor be allowed to either die by their own choice or be enslaved to the family. Their minds were lost from the horrors they had faced in the hunt. Most chose to die, refusing to be forced into slavery, and decided that death was the better option. Laverna had chosen life. - HalfX1yrReplied to Derubin
You don't need to be a newbie reader, no one really likes walls of texts in a webnovel
The softest chirping of birds echoed through the tiny window, while the sun shone through the tiny slits in the wood that lit up the musty room. A rusty cot had been placed in the right corner of the room while a table with a stool sat on the left, and next to the cot was a broken nightstand. The contents on top of the nightstand were only a small mirror and a candlestick. A nub remained of a white candle that had burned through the night. Wax coated the smallholder and dripped onto the ground leaving dried wax that seemed to outstretch the candle but would never reach home again. A makeshift rug had been made with strips of fabric that once had been a blanket. The makeshift rug had been placed in the center of the room, a barrier between the freezing stone flooring and one's feet. On top of the table was a small bowl filled with water either for drinking or bathing while a wooden hairbrush sat next to the bowl. Another candle had been placed on this table, the candle far less used than the nub that remained of the other. Towards the table on the right sat on the ground a small chest that contained clothes, toiletries, and any other item the small vixen was able to procure, which was not much. She had scrounged everything she owned, grateful that they now seemed to ignore her unless their anger got the better of them. No longer used as a dog's chew toy she had earned her role. After the brutal death of the previous caretaker, she was granted the role of caretaker of the residence, but to a home that did not want her. - HalfX1yrReplied to crobett
Denied.
'I should see if I can solve this for her as payment for teaching me how to read and write.' Shiro thought. She wasn't the type to repay hatred with 100 times the hatred. Nor was she one to repay kindness with 100 times the kindness. - HalfX1yrCommented
that's the longest description I ever saw for a potential xp family
The stench of feces and decayed food filled the cages, and vomit and other bodily fluids seeped into the floor. Unlike her room, the cages were kept heated, making the bait smell up to high heaven. The scent makes it easier for the pups to track their prey. The entire room was filled top to bottom with 5x5 cages. Depending on how the family was feeling, some cages had only one person in them while others were cramped to see how many could fit in them. Fortunately, they just had a chase so most of the cages were empty. The ones who had survived were placed in individual cages, many chewed up from their ordeal. Whimpers filled the room as well as the labored breathing of others. The hunts were brutal and only when one more of the prey was left standing would the victor be allowed to either die by their own choice or be enslaved to the family. Their minds were lost from the horrors they had faced in the hunt. Most chose to die, refusing to be forced into slavery, and decided that death was the better option. Laverna had chosen life. - HalfX1yrCommented
reading that character desc, reminded me of
Laverna softly yawned listening to the birds arise as she knew she must too. The soft click of the door could be heard as she got up and out of bed. A shiver ran through her spine as the chilled air graced her bare skin which the dark brown potato sack did not cover. Outstretching her arms she felt her spine crack and purred softly in delight. "It's the small things..." She thinks softly to herself before pushing off the cot. The female was rather small, only standing 5'2 and weighing only 115 pounds. Her long orange hair sat in tangles that fell down her back as the natural waves swayed in her movements as she moved toward her chest. Pulling it open, she smiles softly as the scent of lavender fills her nose. The drying petals were another small thing that seemed to bring her happiness. She carefully drew out another potato sack and pulled her night one off her and put the new one on. The scratchy material irritated her skin leaving small patches of red as she threw on a clean pair of undergarments as well. - HalfX1yrCommented
What I'd recommend is split these massive walls of text to several smaller paragraphs, makes it both look much pleasing to the eye, and feels a lot better to read
The softest chirping of birds echoed through the tiny window, while the sun shone through the tiny slits in the wood that lit up the musty room. A rusty cot had been placed in the right corner of the room while a table with a stool sat on the left, and next to the cot was a broken nightstand. The contents on top of the nightstand were only a small mirror and a candlestick. A nub remained of a white candle that had burned through the night. Wax coated the smallholder and dripped onto the ground leaving dried wax that seemed to outstretch the candle but would never reach home again. A makeshift rug had been made with strips of fabric that once had been a blanket. The makeshift rug had been placed in the center of the room, a barrier between the freezing stone flooring and one's feet. On top of the table was a small bowl filled with water either for drinking or bathing while a wooden hairbrush sat next to the bowl. Another candle had been placed on this table, the candle far less used than the nub that remained of the other. Towards the table on the right sat on the ground a small chest that contained clothes, toiletries, and any other item the small vixen was able to procure, which was not much. She had scrounged everything she owned, grateful that they now seemed to ignore her unless their anger got the better of them. No longer used as a dog's chew toy she had earned her role. After the brutal death of the previous caretaker, she was granted the role of caretaker of the residence, but to a home that did not want her. - HalfX1yrReplied to ShinSoma
Uhh, not sure about that
Shin nodded, smiling at the coachman. They shook hands after Shin rides the Carriage. Yuri and Shin waved farewell to one another as he is off to his first mission. The coachman introduces himself as "George Applebee". He stands at 6'0, has dark skin, wearing the Guild's Coachman Uniform. Shin Shin almost slipped his true name, but he corrected his name and said his other surname. George raised his eyebrow and didn't mind the quick mistake. Shin is in awe of the nice breeze of the outdoors. He can see meadows and plains with farms and even friendly travelers they meet. For a long while on their journey, they talk about the metal horses and how to ride them. George the coachman teaches Shin about how to drive the horses, giving him a chance to drive for a little while since their destination is around the border of Laginaple. That is where this 'illustrious' mystery family is located. - HalfX1yrCommented
ride horses not drive horses (:
Shin nodded, smiling at the coachman. They shook hands after Shin rides the Carriage. Yuri and Shin waved farewell to one another as he is off to his first mission. The coachman introduces himself as "George Applebee". He stands at 6'0, has dark skin, wearing the Guild's Coachman Uniform. Shin Shin almost slipped his true name, but he corrected his name and said his other surname. George raised his eyebrow and didn't mind the quick mistake. Shin is in awe of the nice breeze of the outdoors. He can see meadows and plains with farms and even friendly travelers they meet. For a long while on their journey, they talk about the metal horses and how to ride them. George the coachman teaches Shin about how to drive the horses, giving him a chance to drive for a little while since their destination is around the border of Laginaple. That is where this 'illustrious' mystery family is located. - HalfX1yrCommented
He can hear various languages but all beings use the common language.. huh
He waited for a few moments for the ship to completely stop and lay down the Bridge for them to disembark. He can hear various languages, mostly unrecognizable, but knowing this, he knows that every living being in this world uses the Common Language. He hears about sales, and some recruiting to the Hunter's Guild. To make money, he needs to do stuff so he can get started on a new life on this continent. - HalfX1yrCommented
its no longer EssaTerra but Essaterra, neat
Shin woke up, feeling well-rested after he traveled a month and a half from his homeland of Japan. His country is from the far east, so going there and coming to the Western Continent will take longer by boat than by airship. But he wanted to keep his budget to a minimum in case he needs it, as well as hide his identity from the people coming after him. He wanted to make a name for himself in a land where nobody knows him, hoping that the influence of his enemies won't reach even the North, West, the rest of the East, and the South of Essaterra. - HalfX1yrCommented
Am pretty sure its God-Queen not Goddess Queen but whatever
The world of EssaTerra is beautiful. The legend goes that EssaTerra was built by God-King Rudaliz and Goddess-Queen Lusamina. In the creation of the world, the Goddess-Queen created the 'Meus', the essence of soul and magic while the God-King created the 'Povus', the essence of life and embodiment of physical being. In the ancient tongue, Meus and Povus roughly translate to 'Mana' and 'Ki or Kai/Chi' respectively. Mana is the source of Magic in the world, and Ki, or Kai/Chi, is the source of pushing the body to its physical limit. With the harmony of Meus and Povus, the God King and Queen created and birthed all manners of life. They created the world in the likeness and image of their imagination and modeled the structure of the world with peace and order. - HalfX1yrReplied to RealmWriter
thats kinda gae
"Hint: When a disciple's loyalty is below 0%, he or she will betray the sect and become an enemy. When loyalty is more than 80%, the disciple will not betray, while over 90% is absolute loyalty." - HalfX1yrReplied to HalfX
actually I did
[Alternatively, you can keep a low profile and cultivate. You can activate the ability to hide your cultivation and cultivation potential.] - HalfX1yrReplied to Nikhil_Bannerjee
that thing is still a trillion times more fun then a lot of trash on this site
money = good cards = strength, One year was enough for me to grow stronger than Kevin Zhang and his goons. - HalfX1yrCommented
another one!
Matriarch, I will never judge you, because I represent...the epitome of privilege," while proceeding with Zi Yao's healing, Xinzi said, and instantly, a current of torrential warmth filled the matriarch's broken heart. Unable to restrain the impulse, she threw herself into Xinzi's arms, sobbing uncontrollably. - HalfX1yrCommented
"I dare!" "Who?" "You'
"BOLD AND INSOLENT FIEND, HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MY WHITE IMMORTAL SECT'S MATRIARCH?" Xinzi's voice boomed out. A tide of Five Elements Qi and Blood Energy rolled out, pairing with crushing Divine Power that forced the Bloodstone Patriarch to recoil in shock. - HalfX1yrReplied to Mr_Birb
Villian Cultivator's (thats the novel) Beginning (the novels first.. part)
"You're not treating him like a mother, you're treating him like a criminal in the Sect whom you are forcing to do whatever it is you want," Elder Liu said. "Dong Chen gains nothing from this, all he gets is punishment from you." - HalfX1yrCommented
"If not a human, I can still be a devil, a God"
"Bloodstone Patriarch? Good, very good! In this life, if I don't slice that abominable fiend into 10,000 pieces, I am not worthy of being human!"