Mei_Sloth
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Mei_Sloth2yrCommentedWHERE IS DOM?
P.S: The MC's name is Sub...- Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
The tense is so, so inconsistent.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Hello, perfect memory.
Fuck, I completely forgot about this event. The French, in exchange for his release, will force the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth not to take hostile actions against the Kingdom of France. During this time, Jan Kazimierz will also meet and will have an affair with Princess Maria Gonzaga, the future wife of King Władysław, and after his death, wife of Jan Kazimierz. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Yes, yes. Jerzy is not Poland.
"Jerzy is not Poland and they have different customs here... so breaking cups or jugs against your head or the floor may not be a good idea... but why am I telling you this, you won't listen to me anyway." (MC) - Mei_Sloth2yrCommentedCh 172 168 Bohemian Court
- Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Majesty Rjyin heh. Actually I skipped for 50 chapters to see if there's improvements...
The kingdoms around only know of ryjins Offensive army they have not herd or found info on the defensive army so they don't know it exists and as The weeks further went by around 5 ta 7 months pass by as Ryjin is dealing with everyday problems when a Soldier Rush's in and state's that there is a Trojan envoy here and He desperately seeks a audience with his Majesty Ryjin. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Dude, it's a pity if you could just rewrite this novel. The writing is horrible, but the idea of the story is so good.
Priam had approached Riley and extended his hand Riley stood and Wiped his hands clean and shook priams as priam said Troy welcomes new trade and New allies May the Gods Look down on us and bless are 2 Kingdoms -Priam did not know he was dealing with an empire- Riley Bowed and Thanked the Great king for his Generosity and his Hospitality and said he will be sure to inform his lord of the Immaculate Honour of the Trojans This brought a huge smile to all Trojans present as that was Great honour to be described like such. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Use dialogue tags.
the man Kneels and says I am Sir Glen a Knight and commander of this band who i call my brothers the men show Pride as he says that Happy that they are close like family. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Dude, research about the unit of measurement of feudal Japan. Oh well, I'm being demanding here, but that way — we can learn and avoid blunders next time.
"110 pounds." - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
The word handsome is too abstract. Could have just written it more descriptive or explain the standards of their Era. Beauty standards nowadays are extremely different from the past.
Masaatsu played with his long hair in thought. His tall stature and handsome face were a poster boy image for any young samurai. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Overall, the writing is weak. Yet I couldn't person to judge an author base on what he writes. Just expressing my thoughts. I think the dialogue is a bit modern than I expected. I read so many historical novels, that I'd know how the characters often spoke in slangish voices. The characters seemed stereotypical too.
Ch 2 A Broken Home - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
What is a 40-year-old stare anyway? The word is too abstract itself and could be perceived differently by the reader.
Gengyo spoke, attempting to defuse the argument. He nailed him with the full force of his 40-year-old-stare. - Mei_Sloth2yrReplied to John_Lin_9861
Talk about morality in Edo Period, fool.
Fuku's eyes filled with tears. Morohira was not a bad man, but with the alcohol in his system, he grew into something he was not. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
This is so stereotypical.
"But…? You have the nerve to contradict your husband? FOUL WOMAN!" - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Remove the 'up, it's repetitive. There's no way there's a word 'stood down'. I think it would be better to reduce it to 'stood'.
Morohira stood up, walking towards Fuku who flinched and shrunk back. Only when she noticed that Gengyo was in front of her did her protective instincts overcome her, and she stood in front of him. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Using was redundantly is weak writing. Should've to use stronger verbs instead.
There was an edge to his voice, as though he was daring them to provoke him further – seemingly encouraged by his victory over Masaatsu. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Adverbs again.
A middle-aged woman floated around the corner of the room, desperately looking as though she wanted to intervene, but couldn't find the right opportunity. - Mei_Sloth2yrCommented
Too many adverbs.
His sister – whom he did not yet know the name of – walked over to him, gazing into his eyes worriedly as she ruffled his hair.