webnovel
avatar
1702274589031
Brian_Hanes_117

Brian_Hanes_117

Lv1

I like to write science fiction and fantasy stories. I am the same user as brianhanes117. For some reason, I cannot sign into that account. Feel free to check out my Infinite Domain series on Amazon.

2020-11-21 JoinedGlobal
-d

Writing

-h

of reading

428

Read books

Badges

3

Moments

1126
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    The story is well written. The updates seem to be steady, and it develops naturally. The cover is engrossing, and the intro is atypical. On the other hand, the writing format is a little odd. It seems every sentence is spaced out but I'm not really sure why that is. It would make sense if there were some sort of pattern, like spacing each quotation, however that is not the case from what I can tell. There are also moments there are proper paragraphs before going back to spacing one sentence at a time. Putting that aside, I'd like to see a bit more description. Description can be done in many ways. It can refer to specific narration that describes how characters, the environment, and other things look in the story. It can be narration that lays out what certain things smell or sound like (which isn't used as often but is pleasant to see every now-and-then). With that being said, I wish the author the best on their journey. This is an entertaining piece for whoever may be interested. Dear writer, I welcome you to check out my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    Unknown Phenomenon
    Fantasy · Storie_muxica
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Replied to Brian_Hanes_117

    Another thing I would add is to make sure that you are making an impact with relatable dialogue, drama, or humor as quickly as possible. This is an effective way to capture people's interest. Resonating with someone is particularly important at the start of a novel because that will decide how likely they are to keep reading it. How you close is also paramount but in a situation like this, the first few chapters should always be the priority.

    altalt
    Oath of Being Temporally Yours
    Fantasy · Han_Sirang
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    This story has a catchy cover and title. The writing is flowery, poetic, and touching. The author clearly has a wide vocabulary. The description seems to hit most areas including visual and each sentence feels differently. I definitely think this is an awesome story. With that being said, the description goes overboard at times where it could be more efficient and straightforward. Remember, you as a writer want to reach as many readers as possible. Part of that is making sure your story is well-polished and edited. Part of that is thinking outside of the box when explaining things as you did. Another aspect of that is not going over-the-top to explain every single detail, as many people are not that interested in every detail; try to strike a balance. I wish the best to the creator on her/his future projects. To the author, I welcome you to check out my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    Oath of Being Temporally Yours
    Fantasy · Han_Sirang
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    neat

    Soon, the king's men marched through the once formidable halls of Embercliff Citadel. The air was heavy with trepidation as they cautiously navigated the desolate chambers, each step accompanied by the echo of their own unease. The grand citadel, once a symbol of power and grandeur, now exuded an aura of death and despair. The remnants of a kingdom in turmoil lay scattered around them like ghosts of a forgotten past.
    altalt
    Oath of Being Temporally Yours
    Fantasy · Han_Sirang
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    The writing quality is sooooo impeccable thus far

    "Looks like you've finally opened your eyes. Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?" A voice, both unfamiliar and dominant, echoed in the cold room.
    altalt
    The Duke's Obsession
    Fantasy · Joshan_Jo
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    For this story, I have to say the cover is stellar. The narration makes for an easy and smooth read. There is some great description here. The author even goes out of his/her way to describe the senses of smell and hearing which are not commonly utilized. With that being said, it is not without its imperfections. I would like to see more visual description. This tale would benefit from more use of organic dialogue (at least for the first 8 chapters I've looked at). I wasn't a big fan of the constant use of bold words, but maybe that's a personal preference. I'd like to see a little more investment used into different characters (not just the MC) right from the get-go. Nevertheless, the progression of the story seems good overall. It is definitely a noteworthy read. Please give it a try if you're reading this. To the author, I invite you to check out my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    Rogue Element [Cyberpunk]
    Sci-fi · Ryker_Bale
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    You killed the description here too.

    "Yes, the usual, Uncle Chen," I replied, my stomach already anticipating the rich flavors of his dish—a hearty bowl of Jidan Mian, egg noodles topped with his special blend of stir-fried vegetables and a soft-boiled egg, the yolk just runny enough to blend into the savory sauce.
    altalt
    Rogue Element [Cyberpunk]
    Sci-fi · Ryker_Bale
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    Nice use of smell description, that isn't used enough in Webnovels.

    I shook my head, the echo of his laughter chasing me into the hall. The vast space was alive with the sizzle and chatter of street food stalls. I made my way to the familiar glow of "Uncle Chen's Noodles," the scent of spices and soy a comforting embrace.
    altalt
    Rogue Element [Cyberpunk]
    Sci-fi · Ryker_Bale
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    That description hit really well, as if I can envision the scene. Keep at it

    The neon lights bled into the night sky, creating a twilight that never faded in Crystal City. I, Marlene, traversed its streets with my boots echoing against wet concrete. In a world where everyone was augmented or plugged in, my mere human presence was a stark anomaly.
    altalt
    Rogue Element [Cyberpunk]
    Sci-fi · Ryker_Bale
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    The writing quality is top-notch. The updates are steady, and the story develops regularly. The description is awesome, the story is very good, and the cover is elegant. This is one of the better stories this platform has to offer. With that being said, I would like to see more visual description of what the environment and background looks like. Besides that, I would enjoy to see a little more humor, drama, or something else to immediately grad the readers outside of the straightforward start. It is a solid and strong tale but that doesn't mean a touch more spice wouldn't be nice. All-in-all, this is a spectacular tale that I endorse for any interested readers. To the author, I invite you to check out my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    Starstruck Sonata
    Urban · coco1193
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    Good start

    As Seraphina's violin began to weave its enchanting melody, students and teachers alike were drawn to the celestial quality of her music. Her performance filled the air with a sense of wonder, and applause erupted from the crowd, confirming her reputation as a prodigious talent.
    altalt
    Starstruck Sonata
    Urban · coco1193
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    This was a top tier story. The grammar is up to par and the cover is as cool as an arctic tundra. The description is above what is typically seen on Webnovel. The plot is intriguing, and the story is incredibly gripping. I did not want to stop reading and made sure I added it to my collections. The characters are real and stand out from one another. It really is where the story shines. I won't count it against the story because of how well it handles everything else, but I would like to see more description and narration regarding what individuals and the environment look like. This is important for immersion and enhances the world background to an elite level. Even if it is only done every once in a while, but it is useful to know how main and major characters appear. Because it really stands out from the norm in quality, I'll still give it 5 stars. To the author, I welcome you to look at my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    The Heartless Duke's Bride
    Fantasy · AvalonKing
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    It's deplorable that he treats his sister like that

    "Brother!" Dione gasped out in ragged breaths, her amber eyes wide with fear. She clawed futilely in desperation at the large hand holding her hostage. Her scalp felt as if it were being set on fire.
    altalt
    The Heartless Duke's Bride
    Fantasy · AvalonKing
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    I like the description here

    The girl in front of him looked weak and pathetic. Her large, almost doll-like, amber eyes sparkled in unshed tears, and with his hand tangling in her hair to hold her in place, her blonde updo was messy and lopsided.
    altalt
    The Heartless Duke's Bride
    Fantasy · AvalonKing
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Posted

    From what I can see, the cover is great. The grammar is good. The story itself is outstanding. Description is nice. I really enjoy this novel, so much so that I added it to my collections which is not something I regularly do. The characters are awesome. I deeply value how unique this tale is. The world background works here and keeps me guessing what will happen next. The one thing I would take away from it is that it sort of broke the "show don't tell" rule at the start where some things happened without them being fleshed out as much as they should have been. Still, this is a remarkably fun read that I highly recommend to anyone who might be on the fence. Best wishes to the author, Webnovel definitely needs more of these. To the writer, I invite you to check out my story "Avatar: The Vindicated Avenger". It is a spinoff of the fan expansion of the hit animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender, called "Avatar: Macai's Journey". I would love to know what you think of it. https://www.webnovel.com/book/avatar-the-vindicated-avenger_26486522605265405

    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    Crazy

    To her astonishment, the woman indeed leaped out of the window, plunging into a river below. Vermilion rushed to the window and witnessed the woman's fall. The whole sequence of events, though brief, felt like an eternity to Vermilion. It was the first time she had felt the fear of death as a human.
    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    sheesh

    "In this world full of wars, winning is the only right thing. Failing to win for the country means being spurned by everyone or even getting killed. They are already people without status, not even worthy of a name."
    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    Lol

    "My name... Vermilion."
    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    Absolutely wild

    The meteor crashed onto the village, its impact wiping out all of the soldiers. The village showed no sign of life after the meteor fell. The meteor shattered, revealing an aurora-colored soul-like object, it hovered above the desolate village. It emitted a soft, ethereal glow, casting an otherworldly ambiance upon the wreckage. The object seemed to possess a strange consciousness.
    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail
  • Brian_Hanes_117
    Brian_Hanes_1172d
    Commented

    I'm sorry what? Show don't tell. If he killed the children, that was really an anti-climatic way to describe it. You need to flesh out the scenes, especially ones like that.

    He gained entry and mercilessly snuffed out the lives of the two children, under the false assumption that their mother had already perished. The soldiers continued their assault on the village until all signs of life were extinguished. Night descended upon the devastated village, shrouding it in debris and the lifeless bodies of its former inhabitants.
    altalt
    Destiny Forgers
    War · TsukasaFrier
    detail