123removed

Great story! It gets a bit confusing at first, but you quickly clear things up. 😁 It's quite fast-paced, which I like, and the concept is really interesting! The only tip I have is try to switch things up a bit with sentence lengths. I think that would make it an even easier read!

Are his parents talking about what I think they're talking about? 😂

That's encouraging 😂

This is a great description of the game

Sounds familiar these days

Imagine waking up that that, yikes

Anyways... there's that. No biggie. 😅

I really like it! The story is giving me hitchhiker of the galaxy vibes a bit, though that may just be because I'm not very familiar with the concept. I like that it's fast paced, and I also like that you treat everything as 'normal', even though it's fantasy (as opposed to feeling the need to explain every little detail). As for tips, I have only two. Firstly, mind your verb tenses. You tend to switch between past and present tense at times. And secondly, try to limit the descriptive bits a little. You're great at those (and I love your vocabulary), but personally I'd switch a bit more between description and action, if that makes sense. 😁

I'd take that personally 😂

Something about the name LIFE CORPS just sounds shady, like they harvest organs or something 🤔