webnovel
1603459704835
123removed

123removed

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2020-10-23 JoinedNetherlands
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62
  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Posted

    Great story! It gets a bit confusing at first, but you quickly clear things up. 😁 It's quite fast-paced, which I like, and the concept is really interesting! The only tip I have is try to switch things up a bit with sentence lengths. I think that would make it an even easier read!

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    Are his parents talking about what I think they're talking about? πŸ˜‚

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    That's encouraging πŸ˜‚

    This book has been deleted.
  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    This is a great description of the game

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    Sounds familiar these days

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    Imagine waking up that that, yikes

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    Anyways... there's that. No biggie. πŸ˜…

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  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Posted

    I really like it! The story is giving me hitchhiker of the galaxy vibes a bit, though that may just be because I'm not very familiar with the concept. I like that it's fast paced, and I also like that you treat everything as 'normal', even though it's fantasy (as opposed to feeling the need to explain every little detail). As for tips, I have only two. Firstly, mind your verb tenses. You tend to switch between past and present tense at times. And secondly, try to limit the descriptive bits a little. You're great at those (and I love your vocabulary), but personally I'd switch a bit more between description and action, if that makes sense. 😁

  • 123removed
    123removed3 years ago
    Commented

    I'd take that personally πŸ˜‚