J1293
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Read the current top review, saw it mentioned there were 'a few' english problems. Quite an underestimation unfortunately. Please go over it again slowly and check for proper spelling, missed words and punctuation. You have a lot of commas in both the wrong places as well as not there at all. Just in the first bit, thought is meant to be though yes? Doing this on my phone so I can't tab back and forth to give more examples but you do seem to love your run on sentences. Say a sentence out loud, if you are out of breath you likely need a comma. However, too many commas are pretty bad as well. Editors, beta readers and proof reading after walking away for an hour or so are all very, very helpful. Otherwise, quite interesting so far if leaving me somewhat sceptical of his power levels. Though comments here have convinced me to read a bit further, eh, I may leave this if I can't handle the english. Thanks
Why randomise the onigiri?? Why can't the customer choose? What about allergies or other dietary requirements? What if they get something they abhor, are you going to refund them or just say bad luck? That's pretty f-ing bad service, not being able to choose what you buy. The only times that that is acceptable is random/lucky dips. Will that information be visible or do they buy it and then get told it's random?
You do realise insipid means weak or dull right? I don't think that is actually the word the author is using somehow. Apathetic or flat, perhaps deadpan, would possibly fit better. Google is full of wonderfully helpful tools if you look and use them. A thesaurus is likely to be your best friend.
not good at words so, a most sincere thank you to both the author who created this masterpiece and the translators that made it possible for us to read. The thought of never finding and reading this is one I'm glad not to contemplate. Thank you so very much