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val_the_mysterious

val_the_mysterious

Lv3

I've always enjoyed writing and am currently in the mood to write about antiheros/villain's. Using this platform to post my drafts before putting them into ebook format to sell.

2020-09-26 JoinedUnited States
5d

Writing

358.8h

of reading

87

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16
  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious12d
    Posted

    Love the story concept. I'm a sucker for stories about demons and revenge and this one covers them both. One of the top fixes is definitely breaking up the paragraphs/formatting. There were several spots where they were talking back and forth and it was in one paragraph. Some kind of transition would be helpful when switching from one character to another. That being said, once I started reading I found I couldn't stop. The story and plot progression was immersive even with all the formatting and grammar issues. Keep up the good work!

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    Demoniac
    Fantasy · DarkseidEquation
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious12d
    Posted

    Story overall is a great concept, definitely my favorite genre to read. 1.1 could use some fleshing out, there were a few places where things just happened without explanation. I’ll use the hidden passages as an example of this; where did he enter the hidden passage? It could be fleshed out more by giving some more details about the structure of the house and the surrounding area, maybe a mental comment on how hard it was to build. 1.2 the transition to this section was a little rough. It also seemed like a lot of time passed from the first paragraph to the second. It would be good to expand a little more on this, even if its just to say that time progressed. 1.4 the part that really stood out here was when he went to his father to ask about techniques. There was no description of where his father was when he went to him. I assumed at first that the father was in his office/study because he went from talking to his mother to seeing his father. The scene went straight to the father showing the weapons technique and talking about practice dummies. A more descriptive transition would help the scene. Most of it can be fixed with a good edit, including the grammer issues. Overall I enjoyed the story and look forward to reading more, past the two chapters I’ve already read.

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    Lumia: Other World
    Fantasy · Mel_Aniv
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious19d
    Posted

    Good worLd building and story concept. personally, I struggled with all the poetry in his thoughts, but thats on me. You warned early on about writing errors so I wont point that out. I feel believe that with a high output of chapters it’s hard to post anything more than a rough draft at first. The flow of the story comes across a little choppy. It’s something that can be fixed while editing. Overall it’s a good start.

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    3 hours - A Gamble Of Time.
    Sci-fi · Gaureeey
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious19d
    Posted

    Good story concept and plot. It was easy to get caught up in the story. The characters are compelling and the level of violence flows well, moving the story along. Don’t have any criticism, grammer and sentence structure are on point. My technical skills arent good enough to catch any minor nuances that might exist.

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    City of Vengeance
    Martial Arts · Easy_Tiger
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious20d
    Replied to Easy_Tiger

    Thanks. Present/Past tense is definitely my weak point. I don't have time to fix it right away, but will be running it by an editor the first chance I get.

    When she is done drawing the appropriate symbols, symbols she had long ago memorized, she draws the dagger across the palm of her hand. She holds her hand over the symbols and, as the symbols light up, blood falls from her hand to pool in the center of the symbols.
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    Darkrising
    Fantasy Romance · val_the_mysterious
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious24d
    Replied to Samaru

    Necromancer and blessed by the God of Death. She's still alive, though I suppose it could be said that she treads the line between life and death.

    Ch 3 The Job
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    Darkrising
    Fantasy Romance · val_the_mysterious
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious2mth
    Posted

    I’m loving the story so far! Excellent world building and storyline, quite engaging. Could use a good edit; pronouns off in places and spelling errors the biggest ones. Found myself confused a couple times as to who was talking because of pronouns getting mixed up. Still, it doesnt take away from the amazing story. Keep up the good work !

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    A Gorgeous White (BL)
    Fantasy · Heather_ANARE
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious2mth
    Posted

    I like the change up from the normal storylines. I feel for him as an AI, I would probably have the same issues if I was an AI. The flow and actions from one chapter to the next make it hard to stop reading. I ran across a couple minor grammar errors, but nothing to distract from the story.

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    Trapped On A Death World
    Video Games · Ultimatedaywriter
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious2mth
    Posted

    I’m loving it so far, started reading and couldn’t stop until I read the last chapter. I’m excited to see how strong he gets. Should be interesting to see how things go when he returns from helping the elves.

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    Legendary Farmer Class
    Fantasy · Smart_Dog
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Replied to Jubysleua

    It’s always interesting to watch as characters develop and grow. I’m happy that you are enjoying it.

    Ch 8 Sneak Attack
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    The Demon Lord's Hero
    Fantasy · val_the_mysterious
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Posted

    Really enjoying the story so far. Love the interactions between the characters! It has a nice progression in the plot and made me want to read more. The hatchet was nice, different from your usual sword.

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    Fatal
    Fantasy · Vidit_Verma
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Posted

    I can’t put it down! I love Ren and its fun waiting to see what he’ll do next. Totally rooting for Valdel to give up being a knight/hero and just follow Ren. :)

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    Demon Lord's Reincarnation
    Fantasy · lynerparel
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Posted

    Loving it so far! I empathize with him completely in the beginning, i have to have several alarms just to get up in the morning. Cant wait to read more.

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    Endbringer
    Fantasy · Shionokami
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Posted

    I’m loving the story so far! Started reading and couldn’t sit it down. Not enough chapters to have an opinion on plot and character development. Outside of a few grammatical errors its a great story.

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    The Runaway Huntress
    Fantasy Romance · IzannahFrame
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Posted

    I'm really enjoying the story as it's developing and watching the characters develop. I can tell that English isn't your first language, it's more obvious in the beginning so kudo's for the improvement! Overall I'm loving the story.

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    Moonlight Kiss
    Fantasy Romance · deepu_
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious3mth
    Replied to Jubysleua

    Thanks. Caine enjoys his role as the villain.

    Ch 2 The Demon Lord
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    The Demon Lord's Hero
    Fantasy · val_the_mysterious
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