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val_the_mysterious

val_the_mysterious

Lv3

I've always enjoyed writing and am currently in the mood to write about antiheros/villain's. Discord group: https://discord.gg/YfD6dpVn Discord: val_the_mysterious#1956

2020-09-26 JoinedUnited States
-d

Writing

498.8h

of reading

209

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9

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122
  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    If you want any help/advice you’re welcome to message me on discord, I’m also in a writing group on discord if you’d be interested. Discord: val_the_mysterious#1956

    Ch -1 Author's Note - Dropped
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    [Dropped for now] - Rise of the Yokai Lord
    Eastern Fantasy · MrChinchila
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Replied to Lonewo1f

    Yes

    "You're an Indian but your name... umm..."
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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    Love this! The imagery, the way your heart is racing along with her. There is depth to the characters, a life to them that the author has managed to capture. The world-building is on great and easy to follow. Writing is good and easily draws in the reader. I’ve had this one sitting in my library for a while and I’m glad I started reading it.

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    AEotW[Old]
    Fantasy · Crisyah
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    It's still early in the story, but I'm already in love. Two chapters in and the world-building have been shown at a nice, easy to follow, flow. The first chapter did a good job of capturing Oda the human and the pressures he was dealing with. It will be interesting to see how Oda the yokai develops. Love the Japanese myths in the story, I'm always a sucker for myths. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to read what comes next in his journey.

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    [Dropped for now] - Rise of the Yokai Lord
    Eastern Fantasy · MrChinchila
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    All of those suppressed emotions and opinions were too much and killed him.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    [Dropped for now] - Rise of the Yokai Lord
    Eastern Fantasy · MrChinchila
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    I'm five chapters in and am enjoying the story so far. I wouldn't mind a little more information on what the team is/does up to this point we only have the team name to go by and that just brings the movies, by the same name, to mind. There are some gaps in world-building. The best by far is the first chapter and the funeral, beautiful imagery. Characters are interesting and slowly coming together. The interactions with the team members really bring out each individual. The writing could use an edit, some spots are rougher than other's, but the author made it clear that English isn't their first language. Because of this, I say that you're doing a great job with the writing. Keep up the good work.

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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    It could be put off that he picked a more ‘American’ name. I know that they’re in Canada and not America, but I imagine the same happens there. Too many people not willing to learn how to pronounce someone’s name. This would make it less suspicious.

    "You're an Indian but your name... umm..."
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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    For a smoother read move ‘*smile*.’ - excited about it,” one of the girls said with a smile while looking at the camera.

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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    With the dialogue here, when it ends with a punctuation you dont need a comma. “Are you guys ready?” the husky voive of a middle-aged man sounded.

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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    The part ‘white aged guy’ is confusing. Maybe ‘a white, older man’ or ‘a white, middle aged man?’ Just a suggestion .

    The elderly guy tapped his shoulder and left to have some talk with the Pandit. As the young man stood still lost in thoughts, a white aged guy came to his side,
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    Ghost Busters
    Magical Realism · Lonewo1f
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    Interesting story concept. The world-building is good and introduced at a nice pace. The MC is well thought out and easy to follow. The early chapters really draw you into her life before things went bad and pull you down with her. Really enjoying the world-building and the unique take on classic monsters. Writing improves as you go, which is a sign of a good writer. You should always keep improving. Love the story, keep up the good work.

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    Rightful Vengeance
    Fantasy Romance · Samantha_R_Samuel
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    What is reality?

    [When realities overlap, will you be able to distinguish lies from truth?]
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    Ascension: Online
    Video Games · Cyclxne
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    I feel that lol

    I flipped through the instructions first. My guess had been on the mark - the helmet-looking object was indeed a helmet, because I was smart like that.
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    Ascension: Online
    Video Games · Cyclxne
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    Gotta love how observant family is.

    "No, you didn't. But... I can feel it, y'know? You've always been a quiet boy. Even if you saw something you liked when we went out shopping with mom and dad, you never said anything. At most, you would spare it an extra glance or two, then just give up on it."
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    Ascension: Online
    Video Games · Cyclxne
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    Excellent world building. The characters are well developed and really draw you in. Kaze is such a relatable character. I’m not usually a fan of first person because its a hard voice to write in, in my opinion, but the author nailed it. It’s not awkward or forced but flows well. Writing quality is great. Overall, excellent story. Keep up the good work!

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    Ascension: Online
    Video Games · Cyclxne
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Posted

    Love the story concept . Not a lot of world building outside of the system as far in as I read. The system is pretty sassy and I like that. Main character has a one track mind and the dialogue between him and the system is hilarious . Good story so far, keep up the good work.

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    Evolution to GOD
    Magical Realism · REaper
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Evolution to GOD
    Magical Realism · REaper
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    lol

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Evolution to GOD
    Magical Realism · REaper
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented

    lol This system is good

    "Host Pain Reception is 100% I don't feel any pain going through host"
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    Evolution to GOD
    Magical Realism · REaper
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  • val_the_mysterious
    val_the_mysterious11mth
    Commented
    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Evolution to GOD
    Magical Realism · REaper
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