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Great job author! I loved all of the characters introduced, and they had so much depth which is amazing. I do think you should try to emphasize on their surroundings though. For example, try to bring it to life by giving an important scene more description (Are the surroundings cold? Are they warm? Is there anything out of place). These are just some suggestions for you. Otherwise, keep up the good work! :)
Hi author! I just wanted to say, your story idea is pretty good but you need to give your characters more depth. For example, their reaction to specific situations (Clenching their fists when angry), maybe emphasizes on their surroundings more (Is it cold there? Is it hot there?), etc. Keep going author! :)
Hi author! If you are reading this I have a few suggestions for you :) Your writing is amazing so far, but you can improve it by focusing on all five senses. I noticed you like to incorporate lots of sound into your writing and that's a good thing! It helps bring the story to life. I'm not seeing a lot of taste and feel though. What I mean by that is maybe emphasize more on the temperature of the surroundings (like chilly or hot), or the feeling of grass poking his back as he lays in it. Is it soft? Is it spiky? Is it sweet or sour? Does it melt on your tongue or is it cold? Otherwise, you are doing great! Keep up the good work author! ☺️
I love all the characters introduced and the way the story is developing. It would be great if you could give the characters more detail, such as the way they smell (for example: maybe one of the kidnappers smelled like cigarettes to give them more depth) or if her dad was angry, his hand clenched tightly around the wine glass in anger. Otherwise, you did a great job author! Keep up the good work!