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H41

H41

Lv2

Ask me for a review <3

2020-09-16 JoinedUnited States
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  • H41
    H413yr
    Replied to H41

    xp

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    First Book - Is no long being continued
    History · Spicybuun
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Replied to YawningBrain
    Ch 2 A Home
    altalt
    Memories Like a Dagger
    Fantasy · SolAce
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Replied to SJ_BUUN
    Ch 5 Twelve
    altalt
    First Book - Is no long being continued
    History · Spicybuun
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Nice work author! The development of the story is going pretty well so far and the characters have such unique personalities :) There are a few misplaced words, but nothing that prevents the reading from following the story easily. Keep up the good work!

    altalt
    King and Queen of the business world
    Urban · shenshi
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Great job author! I loved all of the characters introduced, and they had so much depth which is amazing. I do think you should try to emphasize on their surroundings though. For example, try to bring it to life by giving an important scene more description (Are the surroundings cold? Are they warm? Is there anything out of place). These are just some suggestions for you. Otherwise, keep up the good work! :)

    altalt
    NPC Website
    Urban · AuHNG
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Replied to SolAce

    No problem 😊

    altalt
    Memories Like a Dagger
    Fantasy · SolAce
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Hi author! I just wanted to say, your story idea is pretty good but you need to give your characters more depth. For example, their reaction to specific situations (Clenching their fists when angry), maybe emphasizes on their surroundings more (Is it cold there? Is it hot there?), etc. Keep going author! :)

    altalt
    My One and Only
    Urban · chelsearaenavy
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Hi author! If you are reading this I have a few suggestions for you :) Your writing is amazing so far, but you can improve it by focusing on all five senses. I noticed you like to incorporate lots of sound into your writing and that's a good thing! It helps bring the story to life. I'm not seeing a lot of taste and feel though. What I mean by that is maybe emphasize more on the temperature of the surroundings (like chilly or hot), or the feeling of grass poking his back as he lays in it. Is it soft? Is it spiky? Is it sweet or sour? Does it melt on your tongue or is it cold? Otherwise, you are doing great! Keep up the good work author! ☺️

    altalt
    Memories Like a Dagger
    Fantasy · SolAce
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    I have to say, I really like your story! It's a nice and easy read. There are a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that prevents the reader from following the storyline easily. Keep up the good work author!

    altalt
    The Bet
    Urban · Jo_J
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Commented
    Ch 4 The dinner
    altalt
    The Bet
    Urban · Jo_J
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Commented
    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    First Book - Is no long being continued
    History · Spicybuun
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Good job author! This is a nice slow read and you've given the characters lots of depth. Keep up the good work! 👍

    altalt
    Simply Because
    Teen · stupidboi100
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    I love all the characters introduced and the way the story is developing. It would be great if you could give the characters more detail, such as the way they smell (for example: maybe one of the kidnappers smelled like cigarettes to give them more depth) or if her dad was angry, his hand clenched tightly around the wine glass in anger. Otherwise, you did a great job author! Keep up the good work!

    This book has been deleted.
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    I really like how this story is written, I haven't seen a lot of novels like this one. The way it's written stands out to me. Great job author! Keep it up! :)

    altalt
    Birth of The Free Bird
    Fantasy · MortalLearner
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Everything the characters are feeling and experiencing is very clear and well described. I can picture a lot of the scenes in my mind :) Great job author!

    altalt
    Surrender to Grief
    Urban · Glenstonx
    detail
  • H41
    H413yr
    Posted

    Amazing novel! I love all the characters introduced and the plot is interesting! Keep it up author, you're doing great! :>

    altalt
    First Book - Is no long being continued
    History · Spicybuun
    detail