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waterbaloon

waterbaloon

Lv1

I write sometimes

2020-09-07 JoinedUnited States
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Writing

3.1h

of reading

7

Read books

Badges

3

Moments

4
  • waterbaloon
    waterbaloon3yr
    Replied to ANILAX

    If its your first writing then there is no problems. it 100 percent gets better the more you write. And in this stories case I was way too critical of the story. It really isnt bad at all. Just diluted from the language barrier

    Ch 14 Power
    altalt
    The Legend Of Fire Prince
    Fantasy · ANILAX
    detail
  • waterbaloon
    waterbaloon3yr
    Replied to waterbaloon

    Oh also, When I say these I dont mean any ill will towards you. Language barriers really **** with story writing and I understand that. My review may be a little more critical than it needs to be because of this language barrier. You can improve and it does get better the more you write. Keep it up and im sure ill enjoy your writing :)

    Ch 14 Power
    altalt
    The Legend Of Fire Prince
    Fantasy · ANILAX
    detail
  • waterbaloon
    waterbaloon3yr
    Posted

    While the story is generic its not horrible. I can see the hype that can be brought with each big moment but when accompanied by shit characters I cant feel any excitement when a time like this comes. The language barrier is massive (If it is a language barrier) and it ruins any chance the story has because of the inability to dive indepth to situations and characters. Its a bummer but I cant judge you for it. The dialouge is unnatural and with constant “he said” and “she said” everything feels like a waste of time. The pace is godspeed and no actions are decribed. You say something like “he pulled out his sword and started attacking everyone and they got scared and ran away”. This isnt interesting. At least try to be in depth. And emojis are used. Why did you decide to do that. This is a piece of literature, not a text message.

    altalt
    The Legend Of Fire Prince
    Fantasy · ANILAX
    detail
  • waterbaloon
    waterbaloon3yr
    Commented

    Here is my review of the series. To be completely frank, its not that good. Im not gonna go into the bad grammar because it is probably just a language barrier but even not taking that into account it isnt that great. The story is generic and every character isnt even a character. They feel like lifeless corpses that sometimes talk. Yota has no character development throughout the entire series and neither does any other characters. Thats just bad writing not a language barrier. And the story itself isnt that great. Its not horrible but not good. Im guessing that the language barrier makes it hard to convey a story but the storyline itself isnt good. Its generic but sometimes generic feels nice no its not horrible. Also, never, never never never use emojis in a story. It doesnt look good. The dialouge also feels very unnatural but I can just say that is the language barrier. Also I wouldnt use “she said” or “he said” in a story too much. Once you have an understanding of which person is saying what you dont need to say that each time. Thats my review. I would talk more but dont have the expertise. overall I give the story a 3/5.

    Ch 14 Power
    altalt
    The Legend Of Fire Prince
    Fantasy · ANILAX
    detail