Ashmodai
Writing
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He still is Harry Potter, I extra wrote it in such a way, just more now. But I wanted to write a Version of Harry Potter that is darker, while not outright changing him from the get and go. So I choose to incoporate it as his Character development in this Story. A Dark more Ruthless, selfish Harry Potter should be also believeable. It is shown and implied in Canon that he was abused, treated like a Servant and similar in his Childhood. He lived trough Voldemort, a whole War, so a darker Version of him after a change is quite reasonable. But I can understand if this isn't for everyone. It's impossible to please everyone, and in the end I write a Story I enjoy writing. There are enough People who like it.
no google yet, internet is only since 2 years commercial, he spents his time 10 months a year in a completely different world, is on a completely different continent. You yourself never heard of the greatest real weapon producer in the US with a revenue of over 50 billion dollar per year. But sure it's so obvious that he is in marvel...
Nobody said something about practical purpose for 17-18 years old? Learn to read. But a truth serum and Transformation potion have a use. While something called essence of insanity has only purpose in the dark arts which aren't taught in Hogwarts. Some people should learn to use their Brain more...
skipped most of the chapter since I know nothing of RWBY. Please focus the story on the MC Tatsumi and not such pointless POV changes. What I like about your Story is that you developed the characters so good that the reader got an understanding about them. But besides ruby and a bit yang I have no idea what this chapter is about and lost interest.
I didn't say you do add it to the Harem I tried to guess what purpose the gender change has. Learn to read. And you did change the gender of Laboon for no reason either to add it to the Harem or to stretch the word count, I don't care what kind of temperature you have. There is nobody forcing you to write. I criticized the gender change which you did. You are a real impolite person author unable to accept criticism for things you wrote.
So you gender bended a whale for no reason? Want to add it to the Harem or something? This is so stupid. I am out... the idea of the Story was okay but there where many bad writing decisions and at this point it's a waste of my time not an enjoyable read.