Blue_Crow
Just writing in an attempt at making my boring life at least somewhat interesting. Favorite fruit: Definitely not Aphrodisiacs Hobby: Writing Likes: Writing World Dream
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Why, hello readers. Blue Crow here... Wonder how I got my name? That's something you will find out later. However, I'm not here for petty introductions. Just here to announce that the entire first volume has been finished and will go under peer-editing so anyone who wants to read it without having to wait for the next day can start binging on it. Well, I wouldn't recommend that behavior for the second one though... I will accept any criticism as long as you say it nicely (even a bird of deception like me have feelings too, you know) Well... I should go now... I need to make sure Father didn't mess up the laws of creation again... Toodles...
Although the rhythm in the first few chapters were especially enough to make me skim-read most of the time, it is still an interesting story. However... the characters do sometimes feel kinda robotic, but overall, it's a great novel! I love how much you improve in the later chapters. Continue the good work!
Well, in truth, I forgot about it in the previous chapter, but I suddenly thought, "Hey, having him forget the orb sounds funny."
If you read closely, you should notice that there was no description at all for an orb.
Oops
This novel is pretty good in my opinion. However, a review is a review and I need to state my thoughts on the flaws. (I ignored the grammatical errors as requested. :) ) First of all, some of the dialogue feels a bit off at certain points of the story. However, you did manage to fix that in the later chapters so keep up the good work on editing some of the earlier chapters. The characters are pretty much fleshed out, but well, due to the first flaw, they could feel robotic. However, as I said before, you did fix it up a bit in the later chapters. To be honest, your world is pretty good, although I prefer not knowing the characters' names first. You can introduce your characters through dialogue which also helps with the plot. However, you can just ignore this if you don't feel comfortable doing so. After all, that would be a lot of peer-editing to do. That's all I have to say. Keep on improving and good luck!
First review! Will edit this once this story gets more chapters. Your grammar is pretty good for someone who doesn't have English as their first language so I will just put five stars for now. Idk the others since there are very few chapters now, but the character design seems to be good for now. Keep up the good work!
Do you mean 'pain and fear OF tearing her mind apart' or just a comma in the place of 'of'?