this is really cool and pretty well written! i do, however, think that theres a lot of author commentating that takes away from the actual story, and i think the story would be better if there was kind of a background world, more things going on other than dialogue, and less author commentations in the middles of scenes, but other than that, i really like this and i reccomend it to any other beginner fanfic readers! :)

the music made it even better lol

OMGGGGGGG DUDE THAT MADE ME HAVE TO GET UP AND WALK AROUND MY ROOM AT 2 AM

this is so good omg i really like this :)