Kaleb27
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Kaleb273yrReplied to reader1661Pffft, speaking of thin lines your -> You're
"I don't care if he finds out. I'm actually getting sick of the way he is treating you. If he dares to say something I will tell him exactly where to shove it. And that won't be somewhere pretty." She giggled and then asked again. "Please come over. I want to see you right now. I need to make sure you are in one peace." She worried too much but she had every right too. The whole situation was a mess.- Kaleb273yrCommented
Haha, author is a man of culture as well
In fact, the basic spells had a more unofficial name that many who were into fantasy magic like Darius on Earth would know: cantrips. - Kaleb273yrCommented
as it is in for Whittaker's own good to be privy to this information -> as it would be best if Whittaker is not privy to this information
"Don't be surprised, the spirits guided me here," Shadow answered with a mysterious smile. He couldn't tell him more than that, as it is in for Whittaker's own good to be privy to this information. - Kaleb273yrCommented
Will you take responsibility for the heart problems you give me author???
Remembering what Blake told me to do, my muscles deeply ingrained with the elegant walk, I walked out with a natural smile. - Kaleb273yrCommented
That's explaining - *That explains
'That's explaining why she didn't try to steal the vaccine.' Then I remembered something. - Kaleb273yrReplied to Vitalic33
Pretty sure that's a rune
[Skills: Lesser-Mana Breathing Skill (F), Poison Strike (F), Camouflage (F), Earth Manipulation (E)] - Kaleb273yrReplied to Splashy101
Not quite, you would use "fitted" if you were adjusting something, commonly an article of clothing, to fit better. In this instance we're talking about how well it "fit," not getting it "fitted."
"Better than nothing", he whispered as he tried to wrap the brace around his left arm, "...Oh", and surprisingly enough, due to his small arms, it fitted perfectly. - Kaleb273yrCommented
baits - *bait
"Making them as the demon's baits was the senate's decision not yours. Besides, you already tried your best to oppose it. You don't need to feel guilty about that." - Kaleb273yrCommented
chit chat - chat Chit chat does not quite fit with the way this sentence is structured, it would almost be treated as an object would be when used in a sentence, "chat" would fit more naturally. I suck with explanations, sorry lol
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quite - *quiet
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scouter - *scout
While the group searched for other monsters to try to find the direction of the Boss's base, Jasper tried in every way to convince Marcel to let Noah take over his role against the next group. "Marcel, listen to me. I called him to our group to help me. I know he is a powerful wizard, but he is also a very good scouter." - Kaleb273yrCommented
She was - *He was her head - *his head
He appeared to be an elderly man, since he had a white beard and also common traits of the passage of time, such as wrinkles and some spots on his skin. She was wearing an overcoat that came with a cape as black as the hat that rested on her head. The mere presence of the man in black made all the confusion around him inhibited, as if he carried with him a purgative aura of the world's impurities. - Kaleb273yrCommented
fitted->fit
"Better than nothing", he whispered as he tried to wrap the brace around his left arm, "...Oh", and surprisingly enough, due to his small arms, it fitted perfectly. - Kaleb273yrCommented
A bit more progression, and maybe more motivation for the MC? I would honestly like to keep the MC more or less the same with those changes.
> REWRITE (by how much?) - Kaleb273yrCommented
Honestly, this MC was a breath of fresh air. Your idea has more originality, it's new.
AUTHOR IMPORTANT NOTE: This story is in the early chapters and I've been made aware that the plot's progression is slow. Not to mention the weakness of having a particular MC be the way that he is [ Stiff, Boring, Cold, Simp etc. ] instead of the typical perverted guy or at least the one who's actively seeking sex with women—and I appreciate the constructive feedback. Seriously, I don't know this market. I failed your expectations, whether you were looking for the smut or the badass MC that wins and it doesn't work because the CEO is unrelatable? - Kaleb273yrCommented
siped->sipped
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havn't->haven't
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impeding doom->impending doom
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are research department->our research department
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to them to pick them up->to pick them up
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