It's hardly any of those things, at most I'd call it a bit of a stretch that the NCR had the tech to condition the monster. Even that however could be fairly easy for the author to explain away. The easiest rebuttal to your criticism however is that it has been shown that the entity that sent Afton to this world has a decree of control over what happens and likes to spice things up every now and again.

trio not trip. I hate that you cant edit comments.

You never cease to impress me with the direction you have taken the trip of Voldemort, Lestrange, and Dolohov. You have taken what was given and have turned it into a something greater. I adore the silent watcher and planner that Lestrange has become. I I'm constantly surprised by Dolohov's ability to be both a monster and an intelligent character. Most of all I am amazed with Voldemort, how he has discovered the affect the horcruxes have had on his mind had now works to suppress his inner madness. I also love how you show that the madness has not diminished the intelligent mind that brought him to this point.

Dolohov shouldn't be cursed because it was Empusa that killed Mulciber not Dolohov.

Let me just say that Dolohov is one of my favorite characters right now. I love the respect he commands whilst still playing the role of a wild dog. I love the fact that he isn't dumb and is in fact one of the more intelligent characters. And I love how animalistic his entire character is!

I am loving what you decide to do with Voldemort. Having him realize that he has grown mad and that said madness is hindering his ability as leader and take measures to reign in that madness is such a good way to turn him back into a threat. I'm also loving the war on all fronts kind of thing your going for. There's so many different groups each with their own strengths weaknesses and goals.

If I'm right this chapter confirms for us that Sanderson cannot be taken over, based on the comment made by the soothsayer at the end about him not acknowledging his heritage.

It's a weird feeling being happy to hear your stuff criticized, but its exactly what I need right now so thank you. I know I'm not the best at painting a mental picture and I do apologize for it, and the pacing is something I'm working on. honestly character is something I'm both good and bad at, I have a good understanding of how to develop a character throughout a story but I'm learning that it's much harder in practice. Trying to display a character's personality is the biggest pain.

yor welcome x4 my dude

Hold on mate, I'll try to get new chapters out as I can but I'm still I'm high schooler. As much as I'd love to forget about school work and write all day I can't.

WOW! My greatness has been recognized by the Foundation themselves! Anyway, thanks it means alot that you like my writing. Feel free to critique and tell me your opinion on things though, I know I'm mediocre at best and I'm always looking to improve.

You seem like a bot... Are you a bot? are you real?

This was already mentioned by the mc earlier, he decided to go ahead and try it anyways.

Have you seen him make the same mistake twice? Because I haven't. Every time he's messed up he's taken note of it and listed ways he could have done better. One cannot be infallible, but one can learn.

This was caused by the mc's concentration stat being quite a bit higher than his other stats. It had nothing to do with intellect

Huh, so Carnegie's legacy lives on.

thanks

Thank you! I had the same opinion when I started this, I just hoped what I wrote could hold up to people's expectations. I would also seriously appreciate it if you pointed out any mistakes you saw, I'm doing all this on mobile and that combined with the fact that there isn't really any auto correct on this thing increases the mistakes I make.