storygirl
I love any good story even if its roughly written as the plot will shine through. But there is nothing to describe a well written story, ahhh I think I may just love words.
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storygirl9dCommentedbut luckily, most people do.😉
Chen Ze stood by uneasily, unsure if the pickled cabbage beef noodles suited Rose's taste, knowing that not everyone on Earth liked instant noodles.- storygirl9dCommented
haha so true
That was the biggest impression Chen Ze had after he and his roommate went out for a meal of French cuisine. - storygirl9dCommented
at last someone who understands how to open a story!! I've lost count hiw many stories on the 10 min read list start something like...Giwan town in Xian providence, early morning. on a mountain road, chickens screetch and scratch the dirt....🙄 sigh. it murders the mood for me as a reader. the authors should read this chapter as an example on how to start with an inciting event so we can get the problems rolling. Thanks for writing for novel readers.
Ch 1 Chapter 1: The Restaurant and the Otherworldly Girl - storygirl10dCommented
This chapter was tiresome to read. It is bogged down with long explanations of back story detail in unnatural dialogue. It's boring and hard to understand or even believe anyone would talk in such specific detail about things they both know. Sooo, I know backstory is needed, but a backstory dump, maybe not so much. Perhaps you can take a look at it, if not,okay. I'm just letting you know that it's easier to read a story if backstory details are scattered throughout and not dumped in a big dialogue paragraph. infer things and trust were smart enough to understand. Like a character saying thanks to Uncle for taking (good) care of them all these years since their parents died. no need to list everything he did. I won't remember it into the next chapter, and I suspect other readers won't either. But the heartfelt thanks of nephew and uncle's scolding over him blowing his inheritance shows he cares more than listing money amounts I don't recall or him scouring the house for stuff I don't know either, because i forgot. But it was important, but not really, because what really matters is the parents' death. See, let's get to that point. Even Uncle says don't be shallow, care about the parents death. That's where the story is.
Ch 3 Chapter 3 The More Important Things - storygirl10dCommented
but not as annoying as this last paragraph of dialogue. he is a rambling little guy. oh wait I get it now 🫨.... he might talk about what he is going to talk about so he can talk about something unrelated instead.🤭
"I've been dreaming of figuring out how they died and why, but that's something you'll definitely talk about, so of course I have to take this opportunity to ask you things you might not talk about, in case I never get another chance. Like my uncle and aunt who suddenly disappeared. Frankly speaking, I find your style of doing things quite annoying—disappearing just like that, always forever." - storygirl10dCommented
no one talks like this. summarizing the last decade of their life to someone who helping them so already knows.🙄
Yang Yi nodded and said, "So after my parents suddenly died, an inexplicably long-lost uncle came to take me back to the country, and then he disappeared, leaving me with a property in Jing City from my mother, and then a strange aunt came to take care of my life, but she disappeared all of a sudden when I was able to take care of myself. I attended the best primary school, the best middle school, the best university, and then, all of a sudden, two million two hundred thousand yuan appeared in my account after I graduated. Although I could've guessed how it all happened, now I finally have a precise answer. Can I ask one more question? How much did you pay for the information you bought from my father?" - storygirl10dCommented
she was scamming him, promising to pay thousands
"I don't have money on my phone either. I just came back from overseas, and I don't have a local bank card. The only thing I have on my phone is some loose change given by friends." - storygirl13dCommented
A mega rich, super strong guy, under 30, shaming and rejecting the rich beauty queen that begs him ,again, to have her. Then he beats up her body guard in one punch so fast no one sees it. Uhhuh, total fantasy, it's fun to be all powerful. but If he's super strong, rich and already at the top now, why read about him? its totally unrelatable. oh, and in most of the dialogue, look at it and tell me, does anyone really talk like that in real life? . it's ok for a bit of it to weird, but when it's most of it is, it's tiresome to read.
Ch 1 Chapter 1 The Wealthy War God_1 - storygirl13dCommented
rich super strong guy that steals random peoples cars it seems.
Xiao Chen smiled, threw his suitcase into the trunk, and then drove away. - storygirl13dCommented
he'll be even cheaper...😏 his dialogue gives him away
"Next time, it won't be this cheap! Get lost!" - storygirl13dCommented
😂🤣🤮
Xiao Chen's eyes showed deep contempt, "Is it my strength you see? My wealth? Or is it my power?" - storygirl13dCommented
exactly, totally unrealistic plot point. what ARE you doing here?!
And yet today, you come looking for me?" - storygirl13dCommented
no queen would chase a man and beg she is in reality a bit desperate
Ye Menghua, the heiress of the Capital City's Ye Family, always held herself above others like a queen. - storygirl13dCommented
the elder or the young man ? and are they talking potty trained? 🤭
One could tell right away that he was well-trained. - storygirl15dCommented
when will we get to something besides movie script scene descriptions? where's the story?
Inside the stone house, there is a green stone bed about a zhang long. In the corner, there is a blue array, and on the array, there are five indentations of equal size, each containing a grey-white Spirit Stone. It looks like the Spiritual Energy within the Spirit Stones is about to be exhausted. - storygirl15dCommented
another description for a film director to set up the scene, but this is a novel author not a script.😬
In the southwest part of the Qianzhu Mountain Range, there is a valley surrounded by mountains on three sides. Outside the valley, there is a blue stone tablet more than ten zhang high, inscribed with three golden characters, "Qianzhu Valley." - storygirl15dCommented
why would your 1st paragraph everyone reads of your story begin like this?? it's sounds like a scene description written to a film director.
The Qianzhu Mountain Range is located at the border between Qingzhou and Jingzhou, stretching tens of thousands of miles. A large number of Green Cloud Bamboo grows here, hence the name. - storygirl18dCommented
why change the names now? just go back to chapter one and change them all for consistency
"Sanitation, it must be changed," Li Si Te (Liszt) said as he turned to speak to Ma Ku Si (Marcus). - storygirl23dCommented
does he know how to make nuclear weapons!? 😳 I'm sure you don't because I don't despite being from his world.
Because in this world, transmigrators didn't have much of an advantage—magic and Dou Qi surpassed technology—he couldn't simply make nuclear weapons and spread destruction, so the idea of competing with magic and Dou Qi using technology had to be put aside. - storygirl24dCommented
this story.
"What sort of human suffering is this?"detailImmortality Cultivation: I Can increase My Stats Using Clansmen's Qi-BloodEastern · Centenary Cattle