Dani8738
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Dani87384mthCommentedJunior… No, Dyon turned, floating to Lilith's side and gently placing a hand on her cheek.- Dani873810mthReplied to Walleh
oh she wish
"She's gone to the geyser for a quick recharge." Lith replied. - Dani873811mthCommented
maybe a minute more...
"That's right, My Daddy!" Cai shouted. "You tell her who's boss!" - Dani873811mthReplied to Jayzeck
endless path infinite cosmos. another novel by einlion. it's really good you should take a look if you haven't already. I know this was almost a year late, but i hope it was helpful to at least someone who ses it xD
(A/N: I really want to keep writing NOICE but my primary focus right now is EPIC. I should be able to post consistent chapters around November, but, until then, expect sporadic updates until the main plot of EPIC has concluded.) - Dani87381yrCommented
she killed him?
This paragraph has been deleted. - Dani87381yrReplied to Einlion
just make it another thing the goddess changed. easy fix xD
Adopting a faint smile, Shino added, "Besides, Ryuko, Tomoko, and I had some of Yawara's semen frozen a few years back. We really want kittens, but it's not like we're out of options if you're unwilling. The most important thing for us is remaining together. That's the main reason none of us have been able to find mates. Not many guys mesh well with a group like ours, and, before now, we never considered sharing the 'same' guy..." - Dani87381yrReplied to Jyochi'Don't give up! The moment his body was destroyed, the academy's power core weakened and its cloaking spells faltered. The scan is going faster.' Solus said, making Vladion wonder who the heck the feminine voice talking belonged to.
- Dani87381yrCommented"AHH! Please be gentler. I don't hate it rough, though." Bela gasped, and Cain almost blasted her into a teleport gate.
- Dani87381yrCommentedReacting almost immediately, Ei adopted a resolute look as she replied, "I am perfectly content with the current state of affairs. I greatly anticipate the day our mission reaches its conclusion, but I no longer feel the same sense of urgency I had when I was first summoned."
- Dani87381yrCommentedCain looked at him, "Hello there." He smiled.
- Dani87381yrReplied to IslandFlare
im doing fine ish. just read all of NOICE by Einlion. what about you? not sure if it's just me but i have noticed a few more spelling mistakes in the last few chapters than normal.
On accident, the hammer in his hand slipped and fell to the ground a few paces from him. When Azi outstretched his hands to pick up the hammer, the hammer suddenly moved on its own and returned to his hand. - Dani87381yrCommentedOn accident, the hammer in his hand slipped and fell to the ground a few paces from him. When Azi outstretched his hands to pick up the hammer, the hammer suddenly moved on its own and returned to his hand.
- Dani87381yrCommented
this seems a bit... specific... xD
"Yes, it is such as shame thaumaturgy does not have a cure for you, but I rather enjoy that you are so short. It makes it easier for me to hold you." - Dani87381yrCommented
"wake up the two passionate idiots" sounds better
This paragraph has been deleted. - Dani87381yrCommentedWith the sight of the pair intertwining their tongues and lips, Kajima facepalmed at the sight in front of him and could only produce a dry laugh. He wondered just how in love these two were and felt that he might want to rethink on if he should allow Shizu to live under the same roof as Azi.
- Dani87381yrCommented
missing word at the beginning "no"
This paragraph has been deleted. - Dani87381yrCommented
don't tell me i made the comment about the odd recovery rate JUST as you were about to explain it 😂
Azi and Shizu began to stir from their deep slumber. Their eyes were able to open but were still glazed over with sleep. They were both still exhausted from their bout yesterday as it had gone on for a few hours. It was only thanks to Shizu's and Azi's reserve of magical energy that allowed them to recover quickly from battle. - Dani87381yrReplied to IslandFlare
hmm not sure the only shizu i remember is that girl from that time I got reincarnated as a slime. the world and how the story started sounds like a anime that i don't recall the name of with a guy who has a white mask on at all times. but I'm not sure. been a few years xD
Chapter 1 Usual Day At The Office - Dani87381yrReplied to IslandFlare
so far you are doing just fine. a few misspellings here and there and the 2 bugs? that i have pointed out. other than that i thing you are rushing a bit. the last few days should probably have been a few weeks instead to be a bit more realistic. HOWEVER other than that i think your pacing is decent. you don't over explain everything nor do you leave out too much when they are talking. or thinking about their environment. i do think it might help if you explain s little more about the "world physics" because fighting at full throttle for hours only to then fully recover after a few hours of sleep is well.. not possible xD in our world you could only do that for a few minutes at a time. and you wold feel it for alest the rest of the day. so doing it for hours without rest would probably kill you unless magic of course. i just feel the power lvl/ scale is a little off. my biggest "problem" so far is that he is too childsih for someone his age you could probably overcome this by somehow stating that not only is his memory shattered but also his mind making him act weird at this because parts of his "adult" mind is just not there forcing him to act like a child would. not sure I explained that right xD i do like the story overall and your writing style is not bad just a bit unrefined making small holes such as no one seems to care that he has no tail nor fur on his ears xD but do remember this is YOUR story and you can write it however you want hope this was of alest some help. can't wait to see how this all turns out. 😁 ps maybe see if you can find and post some pics of people in the story to make it easier to visualize them? seen some others do that and it works well in my opinion ☺️
Chapter 1 Usual Day At The Office