Great_maid_Oni
I just like to read and sometimes I write a little. Maybe you’ll see another Oni maid out there
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Great_maid_Oni4hCommentedCh 80 Twofold- Great_maid_Oni9hReplied to Heavens_EqualCh 30 Small Business and Deborah's unexpected offer
- Great_maid_Oni9hReplied to applo43Ch 30 Small Business and Deborah's unexpected offer
- Great_maid_Oni9hCommented
Honestly, I'm quite interested in the story, I'm curious about the development and this first chapter managed to keep me hooked, but I have some points I'd like to highlight.. the lines with the sister and mother were a little strange, with those first words repeating “My~ my son” for example, I understood the idea behind that but it's still a little strange, are they stuttering? and also the way the dialogue with the sister was done I found it a little strange from the beginning of the story, if we have a relationship occurring between them it would be better to first demonstrate that this exists and then show something more intimate, at least that's my opinion In my opinion, I think it’s a bit “aggressive” to show something more intimate on the first impression
Ch 1 / Chapter 01: When Destiny Favours You - Part I \detailHouse Of The Dragon: The Secret Dragon-Lord Of Valyrian's DescentAnime & Comics · Gilgamesh_Official - Great_maid_Oni12hCommentedCh 7 C07 - Save the hero from falling!
- Great_maid_Oni15hCommentedCh 93 Chapter 93
- Great_maid_Oni15hCommentedCh 6 C06 - Wanda.
- Great_maid_Oni22hReplied to TheWandaShip
thanks for understanding my point
[We were all pulled into a state of peace, a lull from the constant of war, fooled into a false sense of security. That was until they arrived. In the blink of an eye, we had lost everything. Countless Conquerors, monsters, and even the Cosmic Beings appeared. In their presence, everything began to collapse; mountains were caving in, the oceans began boiling and evaporating, the sky turned red and even the gravity of the Earth was not spared from their might. In that moment, there was only one thing that I felt. Sheer, fuck*ng despair. Despair in knowing that everything around me was collapsing. Despair in knowing that this was not a battle that we could win. Despair in knowing that everything we ever stood for, everything we ever sacrificed for, was all for naught in their presence. Despair in knowing that my wife… That my unborn child… Despair in knowing that we've failed. We, The Avengers. Protectors of the world. Had failed in our duty. In the next second a blinding light covered my eyes accompanied by an eery silence, and I just knew that our world, had ended. Everyone had died. In that moment Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Thor appeared before me. The original Avengers. They were smiling at me while waving goodbye. I guess this was the end.] - Great_maid_Oni22hCommented
You don't need to invent so much, it's fine the way it is
This paragraph has been deleted. - Great_maid_Oni22hCommented
Dude, I don't want to be annoying, but all your comments in the middle of the text make reading a bit difficult, if you want to add some punctuation, mark it with a ¹ ² ³ at the end of each paragraph and comment at the end of the chapter, the same is done in a real book
This paragraph has been deleted. - Great_maid_Oni22hCommented
chapter 2 ends in 3 😜
This paragraph has been deleted. - Great_maid_Oni23hReplied to TheWandaShip
It's just that sometimes when you try to say something so much, over and over again, sometimes it sounds more like a lie
[We were all pulled into a state of peace, a lull from the constant of war, fooled into a false sense of security. That was until they arrived. In the blink of an eye, we had lost everything. Countless Conquerors, monsters, and even the Cosmic Beings appeared. In their presence, everything began to collapse; mountains were caving in, the oceans began boiling and evaporating, the sky turned red and even the gravity of the Earth was not spared from their might. In that moment, there was only one thing that I felt. Sheer, fuck*ng despair. Despair in knowing that everything around me was collapsing. Despair in knowing that this was not a battle that we could win. Despair in knowing that everything we ever stood for, everything we ever sacrificed for, was all for naught in their presence. Despair in knowing that my wife… That my unborn child… Despair in knowing that we've failed. We, The Avengers. Protectors of the world. Had failed in our duty. In the next second a blinding light covered my eyes accompanied by an eery silence, and I just knew that our world, had ended. Everyone had died. In that moment Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Thor appeared before me. The original Avengers. They were smiling at me while waving goodbye. I guess this was the end.] - Great_maid_Oni23hReplied to TheWandaShip
I understand, it makes sense, I just found the way it was being said quite exaggerated
[We were all pulled into a state of peace, a lull from the constant of war, fooled into a false sense of security. That was until they arrived. In the blink of an eye, we had lost everything. Countless Conquerors, monsters, and even the Cosmic Beings appeared. In their presence, everything began to collapse; mountains were caving in, the oceans began boiling and evaporating, the sky turned red and even the gravity of the Earth was not spared from their might. In that moment, there was only one thing that I felt. Sheer, fuck*ng despair. Despair in knowing that everything around me was collapsing. Despair in knowing that this was not a battle that we could win. Despair in knowing that everything we ever stood for, everything we ever sacrificed for, was all for naught in their presence. Despair in knowing that my wife… That my unborn child… Despair in knowing that we've failed. We, The Avengers. Protectors of the world. Had failed in our duty. In the next second a blinding light covered my eyes accompanied by an eery silence, and I just knew that our world, had ended. Everyone had died. In that moment Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Thor appeared before me. The original Avengers. They were smiling at me while waving goodbye. I guess this was the end.] - Great_maid_Oni23hReplied to TheWandaShip
I know little about Marvel, I only followed the main films and little else, honestly I thought it was quite exaggerated, but considering the Marvel universe this is not impossible.... I just thought it was a bit redundant to say all the time, Avengers, we are Avengers, Avengers this, Avengers that.. very repetitive
[We were all pulled into a state of peace, a lull from the constant of war, fooled into a false sense of security. That was until they arrived. In the blink of an eye, we had lost everything. Countless Conquerors, monsters, and even the Cosmic Beings appeared. In their presence, everything began to collapse; mountains were caving in, the oceans began boiling and evaporating, the sky turned red and even the gravity of the Earth was not spared from their might. In that moment, there was only one thing that I felt. Sheer, fuck*ng despair. Despair in knowing that everything around me was collapsing. Despair in knowing that this was not a battle that we could win. Despair in knowing that everything we ever stood for, everything we ever sacrificed for, was all for naught in their presence. Despair in knowing that my wife… That my unborn child… Despair in knowing that we've failed. We, The Avengers. Protectors of the world. Had failed in our duty. In the next second a blinding light covered my eyes accompanied by an eery silence, and I just knew that our world, had ended. Everyone had died. In that moment Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Thor appeared before me. The original Avengers. They were smiling at me while waving goodbye. I guess this was the end.] - Great_maid_Oni23hCommentedCh 2 C02 - Desperation... The Avengers have failed!
- Great_maid_Oni23hCommented
Are these cosmic beings and the end of the world something he's inventing or is there really something like that in Marvel?
[We were all pulled into a state of peace, a lull from the constant of war, fooled into a false sense of security. That was until they arrived. In the blink of an eye, we had lost everything. Countless Conquerors, monsters, and even the Cosmic Beings appeared. In their presence, everything began to collapse; mountains were caving in, the oceans began boiling and evaporating, the sky turned red and even the gravity of the Earth was not spared from their might. In that moment, there was only one thing that I felt. Sheer, fuck*ng despair. Despair in knowing that everything around me was collapsing. Despair in knowing that this was not a battle that we could win. Despair in knowing that everything we ever stood for, everything we ever sacrificed for, was all for naught in their presence. Despair in knowing that my wife… That my unborn child… Despair in knowing that we've failed. We, The Avengers. Protectors of the world. Had failed in our duty. In the next second a blinding light covered my eyes accompanied by an eery silence, and I just knew that our world, had ended. Everyone had died. In that moment Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Thor appeared before me. The original Avengers. They were smiling at me while waving goodbye. I guess this was the end.] - Great_maid_Oni23hCommented
Is the original Chinese? This is worthy of the description of a jade beauty haha
[But through all the battles, the victories, and the defeats, if there was one thing that kept me pushing on, it would have been my lovely wife, Wanda. She was my reason to survive, my strength to face down adversities and stare at the eyes of death unafraid, my purpose to win and come home to her. She was my world. And she was also carrying our unborn child, Pietro, named in honour and memory of the one we lost.]