The_Inmortal_Nya

You can have detailed writing, but you would need to know what to detailed, like, in other ones were they super detailed a city just to be important for two chapters, or they gave a extensive description of how beautiful a jade woman is just so that she is just important for an arc, so I think it's important to be detailed with your own ideas and leave everything else with a shorter description, I mean even if someone hasn't read douluo, if they are reading this, then they already have an idea of the power system of this world, so your ideas you can be as described and detailed as you want, but with general information of the world you can leave it at passing

If you want he can really just do them all, first 3, the man in Shrek ar shit, and the woman are stupid but they're woman in a Chinese novel, they're always stupid, you can rectify that, then he goes and do 1, dugu yan, ye lingling, quian renxue, them all, and you know, dugu bo and the immortal thingys, then 2, he somehow enter the spirit hall, and bibi dong see how much of a genius the MC is, and decides to use his power to his original plan, but the MC cures his craziness, in a pinch or by time, while that happens and with the permit of bibi dong he starts to do 5, but with his own forces, or forces he steals from the two empires, and also 7 or 6 I mean, 7 it's the story, so that is just a little redundant in the list, and 6, sincerely, you can do it or don't, there isn't a problem if you do it or don't, I would also like to know how you intend to explain things to make theories, now 5 I don't know what you can do with it, so you can add it or not

This novel is good, usually when it's a SCP foundation creation system, it's the system going brrrr here comes a foundation site, brrrr here have 500 soldier, usually the MC doesn't have to do much, but in this one, the system just give some rewards and, not infinite money, but a lot so that the MC can start, I don't know how it's going to go in the future, but I really like how it's going

It's really good, the transition from the first chapter to the second one is a little rough, in one you have the protagonist point of view and in the other the chat and the show it's already started, but then, then, the story goes to shit, I don't know if the translator uses ai or something, but it's just to difficult to understand those errors, like, when they refer to sunagakure, they put sunagaShiranui Kūre, like, I know the protagonist name is Shiranui something, but you don't have to put it, damn, even some names are just wrong, pakura was the one talking and I just realized just based on context clues, and Sakura didn't even have a proper name it said sashiranui Haruno, and it's just of Haruno that I know it's Sakura, so, scrap that part and do it right or just don't do it and abandon this

I think you should let them be, but if the joke it's to chinese, like the use of words that sound similar to other words in chinese, for example, well I don't have an example in chinese, but like the word 'bless your heart' it's supposed to be an insult, but if you don't know the context you don't understand the joke ,those type of chinese jokes I think you can get rid of them, or you can be like the some translator that I've seen were they search for the context and explain why the joke it's supposed to be funny, but even then they're never funny

Well, I usually don't like when the system gets nerf, but a thing you could do, is nerf the store, or better of the games, by making them more expensive, because, servers, ai, music, are important, but the game maker system doesn't work if there's no games, so you can make the games more expensive, or just do nothing, he gains a point for every person that start to play, but then he doesn't gain nothing, just the 0.1 point for every hour players play, he might have burst of points, but I don't think you are gonna give him just 100 million points just from a day to another, and I also don't think that you just gonna have him save up for something when he could spend them in things, now, I now know that this look like a critique, english is not my first language so I don't know how to worded another way that doesn't sound like, well, bad, but it's really just my thoughts about your story, and I really want to see where you bring it, because there's no really a lot of storys like this, or at least I don't know where to look, so keep going with the story

Yeah, that would be cool, but they are still creating the three worlds and hell, so maybe there's really a upper plane of existant, after all, in canon, apart from the three and hell, there were all this other little worlds, like dangai and others much, but it's up to the author

Well, he didn't ascent perse, that's just how the story is saying it, he just accept his full death, and went out in a way that everything that comprise his existent would disappear and he would be fully and ultimately dead

But like, author, you can't just show us peak and then add netorare, you can show us netorare and then prove that is peak, but not the other way around, you need to warn people

Here because the author didn't said it in the description, it starts alright, there's a protagonist, it has his harem, they do the deed, it's all perfect and good, then the author said that he expects everyone likes the future of the story and then he adds another man to the mixture of the protagonist harem, I don't like that so it's not for me, but if you like that another man does the deed with the protagonist harem, then you're welcome