ExArgentum

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For the two star, since I rate on the assumption the 5 stars go from 1 (hate) to 5 (love) with 3 being neutral, that’s how I ended up with a two. Couldn’t think of a more logical way of rating since there’s no singular definition for what is good or bad in writing a story and it’s preference. Other readers may love it, some hate it. Can’t please everyone, so I rate things this way.

I realize now that the usage of the phrase “word count” could be confusing. What I was trying to convey is that you wrote so much for your first chapter that it feels like you achieved the word character limit for powerstones in just this chapter. While that’s normally a positive thing, it was really hard to get through with how much details you added about the surroundings, movements, sounds, etc. I’m trying to figure out the character, but 70% of a paragraph feels like it is describing something unrelated. It’s like asking someone to read the biography of a famous icon they respect and adore vs a random person you don’t know. In this case, your protagonist is the person I don’t know and I’m trying to read what seems like a diary of all his regrets when I haven’t even started to care about the character or story. Add that a lot of the details seems unimportant and the reading gets harder. Not trying to judge your story, but point out things that I think took away from it. I am completely fine with a story being detailed, but it’s just too much first chapter. If the random details were cut back or concised, I think the emotional aspect would’ve felt deeper. It’s hard to connect to a character when there are random smart sounding terminology being inserted after describing his mother’s condition or his sister calling him that take more of the paragraph than the actual story. I hope what I’m trying to explain makes sense.

While you may like this type of writing, I personally don’t. The first couple chapters have too much details being dumped on the reader. It’s just an opinion. Some like it, some don’t. This review is for the people that don’t like long monologues. I couldn’t get past the first couple chapters because of it so I do not know the later story.

This story takes "show don't tell" too literally. The author is so focused on painting a picture they forgot they're supposed to be telling a story. This makes reading such a chore that I had to force myself to skim through the first couple chapters. To put it into perspective for potential readers, the first chapter reads like a word count chapter. Every single detail, no matter how minor, is described in so much unnecessary detail that it completely kills the pacing. As a reader, I don't need a 20,000-word internal monologue on a character's regrets before anything has even happened. The advice "show don't tell" should be reserved for important moments you want to readers to "feel." As a hypothetical example, where a simple "Bob sneezed" would've sufficed, instead, we get five paragraphs describing the type of sneeze, the area of impact, everyone's reaction to the sneeze, etc. It reminds me of those "Heaven's top 10 rankings" fanfics where everyone reacts to something for like 5 chapters. The first chapter is to hook potential readers into staying. Where's the story? Why is nothing happening? On top of this, the writing often repeats information and uses overly complex descriptions for simple things, like dedicating two paragraphs to the appearance of a single female foot, two more when she blinks, etc. It feels heavily unnatural and AI-generated. Overall, like I said in the beginning, reading the first couple of chapters was painful. My advise for potential readers is to be ready to skim a lot. My advice for the author is to redo the first couple chapters and stick to just "telling" the story. You don't need to be "showing" every single small detail. Save the "showing" for your important moments. You need a hook for your first chapter, not a textbook.

No need to do all that. Just use logic. “Oh, you have a teleportation jutsu? Don’t bring guards anymore—or bring guards that aren’t the future of the village. You can just tp out instead of needing to protect your own guards.”

Most probably because… how? It’s not like you just go “Chaka enhanced brain goooooo!” What do you even enhance? How? Are you boosting synapse speed? How would that even happen? But, then again, this is the Naruto world where they basically have fantasy tech like teleportation and reviving the dead.

So they scored off-screen?

Lol, casual 4th wall breaking?

Cap