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Across_The_Street

Across_The_Street

Lv2

I write fantasy novels. I enjoy having powerful characters, but I appreciate flaws. I strive to surprise the reader. -Your friend, Across_The_Street-

2019-07-14 JoinedUnited States
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104
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    Spanish is a thing, y'all.

    Joren Vierei, his name is pronounced as "Horen" by the way, is a kind-hearted man.
    altalt
    I Didn't Choose the Gangsta System, the Gangsta System Chose Me
    Fantasy · JhiThan_Ser
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    Gotta put her down.

    In a coordinated hand movement, the newspaper boy put his hand into the bundle, took out a newspaper, and threw it. Flying above the gates, passing over the lawn, and squarely hitting the door, the newspaper landed on the ground. A dog then picked it up and began to play with it, shredding it into pieces to relieve its boredom.
    altalt
    Psychic Parasite
    Sci-fi · Overlord_Venus
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to UrAverageSkeleton

    Have I ever told you the definition of insanity?

    The Definition Of Insanity #10
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    You keep switching the point of view.

    All Gray knew was that the homeless man felt authentic, real. The man showed him genuine kindness when I needed it the most, and that was enough for Gray to trust the man.
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Across_The_Street

    Not supposed to be a comma there.

    [Dormant Metahuman: you have the Metagene, the source for all Metahumans' powers. However, it lies dormant for now]
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    Good, idea. Makes us have something to get excited for.

    [Dormant Metahuman: you have the Metagene, the source for all Metahumans' powers. However, it lies dormant for now]
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Across_The_Street

    Lol, it's one down, my bad.

    [Gun Mastery: This skill covers your basic things that go "bang" — shotguns, pistols, and the like]
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to God_Fruit_Tree

    Bet bows ties into its own class. Maybe something coming after acrobatics. This one seems pretty specific on the _Gun_man part of things.

    [Gun Mastery: This skill covers your basic things that go "bang" — shotguns, pistols, and the like]
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to ROMAN_EAGLE

    Nut shot bro. Author said it a few paragraphs ago.

    My body was lean with no definition of muscle, but I wouldn't complain, considering how malnourished this body used to be before the system fixed it.
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Wicked132

    No no, we get that. It's just that we were under the assumption the MC was a normal dude working a dead end job. He's got no business being a cold, stoic, hard*ss to an abusive, 6'2" hunk of flab. Basically, the character is suddenly unrelatable to pretty much anyone on the site. That's why the OP was saying he hoped it wouldn't happen again. We can't get behind a character that's suddenly as confident and go getting as this since we had no reason that's what he was before.

    I questioned, my expression scrunching in disgust as I uttered the last word, and it was Logan's turn to be speechless as he hurriedly nodded his head repeatedly.
    altalt
    The Average DC Experience (COMPLETED)
    Anime & Comics · Wicked132
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Across_The_Street

    Quick Note: I did not see the R18 tag before reading this story. I retract all statements related to the egregious sexual content, minus my complaints about age and how the story played out. Also Note: The fact that the novel was supposed to be sexual, and I was therefore mistaken, does NOT mean that the novel was in any way, shape, or form, good. You can write sexual content without having bad characters, bad writing, and a bad story. Too bad this wasn't it.

    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Across_The_Street

    Also, it cut off the ending. I wrapped up what I was saying. It's possible for people who speak English as a second language to just miss the multifaceted aspects of the characters. Not knowing English just isn't a good enough excuse to assume the writing is good. If you're that poor at reading, you really shouldn't be writing the review in the first place. It's just a poor novel, and with Webnovels method of awarding points for reviews, a good 70% of the reviews for this novel aren't genuine, and the other 29% were from people with crippling incompetence. I don't hate the author, that's not why I'm writing a review this scathing. I get that nobody will see this comment, and it won't bring down the average review score any reasonable degree. I just... This is bad. It's just bad, and the fact that people think that THIS is quality writing is also bad.

    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Across_The_Street

    None of my formatting was kept when I posted the comment. Which sucks, since it's impossible to read now. Sorry about that.

    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Posted

    Alright, so as much as I'd LOVE to drop this review to all ones, and bring the literally 4.85 total score down to a more realistic level, that would make my entire review disingenuous. This is not a 4.85 novel. My personal belief is that it sits roughly in the 2.3-2.7 range. As I've only read ~11 chapters, I cannot accurately comment on world background, and since I'm coming in after the story is finished, I've got no idea how stable the updates were. I'll explain my scores for those soon. Writing Quality: The amount of reviews on this page exhuming the absolute literary brilliance of the writing in this novel leads me to believe the majority of people reading this book have yet to be in middle school. The writing is atrocious, and the fact that every chapter is plastered with an [EDITED] sign makes it extremely ironic. I cannot understand who might've edited this. A malnourished Estonian woman desperate for a scrap of bread? Either way, the editor was likely meant to shore up the author/translator's poor grasp of the English language (and it IS poor), and yet the EDITOR can barely speak English. I assure you, at no point will you not understand what is going on, and deciphering the horrid grammar and obtuse spelling mistakes is easy enough, it's just laughable how high the score here is. I've marked off two stars, for having poor grammar, and nonsensical sentences, but ultimately remaining understandable, which is the least I can ask for on a godforsaken website like this. Stability of Updates: As I'm late to the party, I've simply taken the score from the "Overall Score" at the top of the reviews and put it in for my own. I'll trust everyone else, although considering how high the reviews for this book are, I REALLY shouldn't. Story Development: The author is new to writing, I get it. it's hard to make a cohesive story, and the fact that for at least the beginning of this book he's following cannon, the amount that he can do to develop the story isn't much. Unfortunately, he fails at even that. The romance between the first member of the harem (Momo) and the MC (Reo) starts off somewhat well. They both meet at the age of 4. They remain friends, they're buddies, then Momo starts to develop feeling for Reo, and he's still very young (they're the same age, but girls mature faster). So, although he knows what's up (Adult mind) he doesn't reciprocate (as that would be weird, also, no hormone response in a child's body). Now, I want to explain, it is NOT weird imo that they get together at 14. MC can't remember his past life, he's just mature. He knows Momo is young, and that's fine, but after spending 10 years straight in very close proximity to each other, it doesn't make me feel like he's a pedo when they finally get together. I'd like to make an addendum to that, when I say that when the MC confesses, in a scene any GOOD writer would make an emotional release of pent up anticipation, he gets a literal B*oner and comments on how hard his D*ick is. He actually says the word d*ck, which I wasn't expecting. Although the time they got into a relationship was acceptable imo, immediately bringing s*x into the picture for two 14 year olds, one of which is a reincarnated adult, IS weird, and shouldn't have happened. I get that this novel is mature, and I understand it's an excuse for the author to write a poor facsimile for a self insert breaking it down in his favorite media, making fun of all the main characters for being "dumb" and grabbing a harem of girls left and right. But Jes*s man, relax with all the sex, and commenting on how big your MC's c*ck is, and literally describing how ropes of c*m are shooting out onto an underage girls hand. Get a grip dude. Now to move on from romance and discuss the "Actual" story development. As I said earlier, for at least the very beginning of the story, MC is attempting to follow cannon. The reason for this is not explained within the first 10 or so chapter (or not well anyway), but it's a reasonable assumption that it's because showing off and changing events to an extent that he won't know what what comes next is a very poor way of taking down the most powerful villain in the world. This is acceptable, and it explains why MC keeps his power on the down low. Now, multiple time skips occur between when the MC was 4 years old, and when he gets into UA high school. Time skips are fine, but starting at 4 years old was unnecessary. Peppering in a description as to how he was in the situation he was in, while starting at, say, the UA acceptance tests would have been a much better way of introducing us to the MC and the circumstances. Writers are notoriously poor at writing MCs as children (writers like this one anyway). Since they're so bad at it, they should stop. Now, his explanation would be to understand how MC reacted when he got his quirk, how his future bestfriend and harem member Momo's family would respond to it, and how his and Momo's relationship would develop over the course of their quirk training. Unfortunately, this is a poor excuse, and the writing of the early section of this book isn't good enough to wave one's hand and say it was necessary. Start with something easier, since you can't write something harder. Granted, it's difficult to know what you're not good at writing, but since you're writing on Webnovel, it's best to just look at what other people are bad at writing, and apply it to yourself. Upon reaching UA high school, Momo and MC's relationship develops incredibly quickly, finally getting into the realm of actually touching each other and relieving themselves. Weird, but I already talked about that. Author shows some scenes so we can understand where we are in the cannon, and know that the world itself hasn't changed just because MC is there. It is pretty funny that the weird purple midget boy from MHA got kicked out because MC was there, though (20 students to a class, and MC was better than him). I appreciated that. The tests given to the class were shown, (the one where Midoriya learns to restrain his power into just his finger), and is used to show that MC is still keeping his power on the DL. Then we get a poor excuse for the Hero vs. villain practice from the show which is supposed to show how cool our MC is and finally let everyone else in the class know what his power is. This is useless, and not very fun. Could've been done better imo. Then, and this is where I stopped because I was beginning to realize I hated this novel, they go to that rescue training center where hand boy McGee ambushes the class with a group of villains (remember? The worst part of the show since it took SO long). Well, author decided to wrap that up quickly by having MC walk out all cool-like, and immediately violently CRIPPLE all the villains. Severing hands, legs, breaking bones, the works. Nobody dies, I don't think, because I stopped midway through the fight. It's an obvious attempt for the author to establish MC in the eyes of the villains and the class as a super powerful cool guy who is super strong and cool. And, it's horrid. MC has an incredible quirk, and it's MEANT to be strong and MEANT to make things easy since the point of this novel isn't for MC to be as weak as everyone else. He IS supposed to be cool. But when you have him walk out alone and attempt to school a teacher by shouting back at him and say, "This is obviously a trap," (as if the teacher doesn't know that), you make him come across as: "Wow, this author sucks at writing cool scenes." That's my takeaway from the scene, the cringiest piece of writing ever placed down on a page. Whatever. Good try I guess. Maybe you figure your sh*t out later in the ~568 chapters of this novel, and I hope you do, since if not then anyone who finished it likely has a LOWER IQ than when they started. Also, WAY too much sex stuff, man. Character Design: I almost feel like it's not worth talking about this, as there IS no character design. There aren't really any characters, just cardboard cutouts that say [Izuki], [Iida], [Momo], [MC Reo]. Nobody in the class matters. The author gets away with not writing any believable side characters, by making it so the MC doesn't TALK TO ANYONE AT ALL at school. They say stuff sometimes, which is impressive for an author of this caliber, but it's never to the MC, and so far he's had actual dialogue with: Mom and dad, Momo's mom and dad, Momo, Shota Aizawa, Tomura. Momo's mom and dad were addressed as a group. He's never had to talk to his father alone, so his parents were also addressed as a group. Momo isn't even a person, just the author's "Oh, hehe, now Reo (who's really supposed to be me, since I'm just as stoic and cool) is going to get with Momo, (who's soooo cute in the anime, hehe), and I'm going to describe the thick ropes of c*m that pour out of his 7in rock hard d*ick onto her (adolescent) hand when she decides to give him a h*ndjob." Shoto Aizawa's conversation with him was basically a "I know better than you teacher, I'm also really cool and strong, and look how cool my power is, and look how smart I am for telling you this is a trap since you're too stupid to know yourself." And the "conversation" with Tomura was literally MC saying something like, "So you said you wanted to kill me, huh?" YUP, that's basically all the dialogue MC has had with other people. In 10 chapters, he's never had a genuine thought out dialogue with any party, besides Momo (and that could hardly be called thought out). At the very least, don't read this novel for the fantastic character design. It's actually hilarious, as he never even had to write people's characters. Someone else already DID IT FOR HIM. He's writing A FANFIC, there's hardly a shred of originality to put in here and he STILL F***** IT UP. Much love. World Background: Haven't read far enough into the novel to know how good his world is. No surprise, he entirely relies on the reader having watched MHA and will probably rely on them having seen the other pieces of media as well in order to "make" a passable world. But, then, who reads fanfic for stuff they haven't seen. I gave it a three out of ten since he didn't come up with anything original, and neither did he bother to explain anything at all. The fact that this novel has a rating of 4.85 stars at the time of the review is the greatest affront to human dignity since human dignity was invented. I understand that nobody on this cesspool of a site is over the age of 14, and that a good 80% of those 14 year olds learned English as a second language. Nonetheless, not understanding English is a poor excuse for also not understanding what actually good writing looks like. If I were reading a book in Spanish (which I'm barely good at reading), I like to think I'd still be able to look at a character in the novel and think, "Hmm, I don't like this character, they don't have a purpose, and they have no realistic goals." Then, you could preface your review by saying, "Hey, before I start, English is my second language, so take this review with a grain of salt." Since it's entirely possible you just couldn't understand the multifaceted aspects of the character on account of having difficulty understanding the language. After that, just rip into the novel as much as you like. I get that writing is hard, and I get that this novel is supposed to be mature, and the s*xual stuff is what people are coming here for, and that nobody actually cares if Momo is a believable character or not because "Oh, cool, s*x." But there is no reason for this novel to be as highly rated as it is. Much. Love.

    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to InGlorious

    U tell him bro.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    Me an empath, standing in Auschwitz: "Hmm, something funky happened here."

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Epic of Leviathan
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to

    eww

    Some people may call me weird for acting cute when I'm already in my twenties, but they don't know how much joy it brings me when Master calls me his 'cute disciple'.
    altalt
    What do you mean my cute disciples are Yanderes?
    Fantasy · Draekai
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    Hmm, like this?

    The breasts that she had binded with cloth before were let free to reveal bountiful D-cup bosoms and her curvaceous hips joined with snowy white legs that seemed to go on forever.
    altalt
    What do you mean my cute disciples are Yanderes?
    Fantasy · Draekai
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Commented

    The POV thing is great. Usually it's done less frequently, but we're supposed to care about the disciples as much as MC, this is how we relate to their experience, why they will start to become yandere for MC, and also to bask in the glorious presence of MC from an outside perspective.

    (MC POV)
    altalt
    What do you mean my cute disciples are Yanderes?
    Fantasy · Draekai
    detail
  • Across_The_Street
    Across_The_Street1yr
    Replied to Draekai

    'entertain' is different than entertain.

    The syndicate that controlled the shadows also exploited us slum squatters. I would sometimes be taken in to 'entertain' their people, either corrupt officials or other crime bosses.
    altalt
    What do you mean my cute disciples are Yanderes?
    Fantasy · Draekai
    detail