You gotta chill on the exclamation points

She literally said it feels good 2 lines ago why would she be dejected?

Infidel is probably not the word you’re looking for

Disney owns all of us

Entoma has a voice? She just hates it and uses lip bugs instead right?

Ruined another fanfic with this weak character sniping

Best of luck to you!

Fanfics are a special genre because it’s the premise that a fan could write something more along the lines of what other fans want. But it doesn’t escape the fundamental rules of writing a story.

Ya kind of backed you into a corner on that one, don’t sweat it. It’s not a bad story. It’s fine for you to hate issei, but as a writer writing from a character perspective you gotta ask yourself these questions about the motivation of the character. Fanfics usually go sideways when too much of the writers own biases appear in a character and the character acts in a way that makes no sense to readers. It’s good to establish a character who has his own values and then follows them accordingly so the audience always knows why they do stuff and who they are.

If everyone reading relates to someone abusing their own family, you might want to pander to a different demographic.

This whole crowd of people outwardly hate issei, but everyone seems to have stuck around. What does that tell you? Yes he’s dumb and little flavorless as a Mc, but if everyone really hated him dxd would not be popular despite the stupid amount of fan service

Dude pick one.... gondola universe, gondola system, gondola dimension. you use them like adjectives and they are not.

Why even bother making a tv that small

I do see and agree with your point about the fantasy though.

Is that true every now and then? Sure you may win an extra fIve points with that one chick who is wanting to explore and therefore not going to stay with you anyways. real consistency though depends on communication, you shouldnt be trying to dominate someone you met for the firsttime. that can go sideways so quickly. so ya do yourself a favor and talk it out first before you go rough. not to get too preachy or anYthing but i just feel like sometimes a little dose of reality is good when reading this stuff.

If the title of the novel is isekai futanari monster girls then never feel like you have apologize at the beginning of the chapter for the content within. People get what the signed up for....

... this line is never said ever in real life

Took her 7 years to figure that out?

Guess I should have put born yet, but I feel like it still works

Thanks! I appreciated the comments! You were a huge help especially since I’ve been lazy and don’t edit my chapters before posting. Thanks for the support!