SilverSerpent

How is not wanting to share a mental illness, like when you go over to people’s house and want to play games with them on the console, they either want to make a good impression on you and give you the best controller, or give you the worst controller becuase they don’t want to use a bad one

Also I think you switch between Red and Reid way too often, stick with one in narration, and you can have other characters call him Red as a nickname.

I haven't really read your book just kind of skimmed through it, but I do have a little bit of advice. Firstly I don't really like how you started the book because I feel like their wasn't really an introduction. Secondly I feel like you use a lot of dialogue (isn't really bad though, could help us learn about the character). Thirdly I feel like you should make a fanfic about a popular thing (doesn't have to be popular on this website, for example HxH fanfics) that you like and if the fanfic is good enough you will probably get a ton of fans (Like I have a Naruto fanfic with 46 chapters and 2 million likes and it isn't even that good). Once your fanfic is really popular you can drop that and then post a final chapter about how you are still doing this book. Also if you take my advice you should probably unpublish this story and then republish it after you drop the fanfic, because if you have 23 chapters come out really quickly lots of people will probably read the book.

Yeah maybe i am stupid, but I find it weird that in a Vr multiplayer game the main way to communicate was subtitles and speach bubbles